Jahrae was surrounded by love, by people who cared about her well being. Yet as with M’traliel, giving all of what was within them to help her recover also served to remind her of the pain within, of her great loss.

Jahrae knew life and love carried with it the risk of loss. Giving to another, allowing them to get past all one’s mental defences and into the distilled essence of who one is is a dangerous proposition; great in the connecting, disastrous in loss.

And this was bringing Jahrae to a new place in all of this: hardly the first person to have to deal with the loss of someone they love; if everyone went to pieces with such loss, no one would be functional. Jahrae had to get her own act together, because others who cared about her would in turn suffer if she relapsed.

Moving beyond those she loved, there was also the matter of what they believed in, or what llhaesa and Jahrae gave all of them over to, or what llhaesa ultimately gave her life for: equality and freedom.

The pull of dysfunction was powerful within Jahrae; it would not let go of her easily, and she was not at all sure there was sufficient strength within to shake the dysfunction off and cast it away.

Jahrae’s mind was heading off on 10 different tangents at once; suddenly M’traliel came back to her, and Jahrae knew her friend was probably frantically searching, calling in others to find, following every scrap of information. She had to get in touch with M’traliel, but there was no safe and direct means. Jesnsera and the others here are knee deep in a clandestine movement for change, and their tracks had to be covered.

Jahrae looked to the luminescent clock on the side of the bed she lie on top of, unable to fall back asleep. It was still hours until first light, everyone else was fast asleep. She reached over and flipped the switch to the old fashioned table lamp that set just behind the clock, and then draped her legs over the bedside, the act pulling the rest of her upright.

The still in recovery mode young woman came to her feet, and softly and slowly walked toward the kitchen, there to study the cooler for something edible which might satiate her restless body.

Her feet steered and carried Jahrae towards the kitchen, where she entered without activating the overhead lighting, and moved straight toward the cooler. Pulling open the door, the inner lighting of the cooler glowed brighter than expected, trying to overcome the darkness that otherwise enveloped the kitchen environment.

There was nothing of immediate interest, save for a simple bar of cheese. Jahrae latched onto the cheese, pulling it out as if the dairy product had become her salvation in the immediate moment.

Closing the cooler door, Jahrae fumbled in the dark for a drawer and then a knife with which to slice her newfound hope. With knife in hand, she moved to the table, set the cheese and knife down, quietly pulled out a chair and sat down.

As she removed the cheese from it’s protective covering, the overhead light sprang to duty, briefly blinding Jahrae with its invasive outburst. Before Jahrae could turn toward the switch, a voice came out of the shape now coming into focus before her. “Can’t sleep?” Jesnsera asked gently.

“Yeah, things were coming at me from a lot of different directions.” Jahrae answered honestly. “I was sorting through them, but decided I’d be better suited to the task by being upright and eating.”

Jesnsera laughed at her new friend’s approach to problem solving; it mirrored her own. “Care to share some of the worry with me?”

“It’s not so much worry as it is looking for the direction of the solution.” Jahrae explained, much to the pleasure of Jesnsera. Jahrae was looking forward, and that was a huge, huge step.

“Trying to figure out how to refocus and to channel your pain, right? And you are probably worried about your family and friends, how they are looking for you.” Jesnsera was quite perceptive, and that sent Jahrae’s mind right back to the so very empathetic llhaesa.

“Yeah, I was thinking about M’traliel. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned her name, but she has been a great friend to llhaesa and to me from the moment llhaesa and I met. She was trying to help me, staying at my flat, doing about everything, sort of a pseudo mum. I’d like to let her know I’m ok, ok and recovering my strength.” Jahrae was sharing openly, with no reluctance evident, another good sign.

“Jahrae, I’ve already spoken with M’traliel.” Jesnsera smiled wickedly, the smile playfully dancing across her face as the words registered with Jahrae.

“You spoke with M’traliel? How? How did you know who to speak with? How did you reach her?” Jahrae was full of questions, and definitely expected immediate answers to this newfound information.