The first real test of Jahrae’s official diplomatic mission on Arrkarhara lie just ahead of her, and llhaesa sensed her partner’s tension and worry over the imminent meetings.
Jahrae’s first Arrkarharan diplomatic contact was with the United States, and this interaction ran smoothly, though llhaesa had endured abuse and torture at the hands of unscrupulous officials while the President lay comatose, and prior to Equality’s arrival.
In two days, Jahrae was to travel to China with only her Adjutant Ambassador, Jesnsera Sserhara, along with Ronnie, and the children accompanying. Llhaesa was indisposed, working on elements of the beginning of her doctoral programme, and from which she could not leave, at least for another week.
The hastily planned trip was the result of the Chinese Ambassador to the United States calling Jahrae and inviting her to visit the country, explaining that the leadership of his nation ‘wished to have frank discussions about possible future connections between China and Arrhazon, and how the connections might benefit both China and Arrhazon.’
Thoughts on the trip continually swirled through Jahrae’s mind as she sat on the sectional sofa and watched llhaesa practise in the great room, having arrived in the room moments before. She sat fascinated by llhaesa’s long and supple fingers interacting with the keyboard. It was as if the keys were an extension of llhaesa’s fingers, except with an ability to disjoint and interchange one to another at will and as needed.
Llhaesa saw Jahrae enter the room and set down, but she most often tried to see a song through to conclusion before stopping, this largely due to professional instinct. She played through the song, adding improvised and acknowledging vocals for the last song phrase, “my love, my dear, I see you are near!” And with that, llhaesa slammed down one final note for emphasis, shot up from the piano bench, and made her way to the sofa, where she scrunched in alongside Jahrae, pulling her legs and feet up and behind her in an immediate move for comfort.
Knowing of Jahrae’s worry from an earlier mention, seeing the continued distress upon her face, llhaesa decided the time had probably come to have a conversation on a matter that plied her mind for weeks now, but she would not go there immediately.
“You will be smashing in your first contact with China!” llhaesa praised, offering sweet and confident assurance to her partner. “With all you have on your resume, it is they who should carry butterflies in their stomachs, and I suspect that it exactly the case.
It is obvious to all on this world that there is much from which to benefit by having a working and trusting relationship with Arrhazon. Now we both know there are some in every country who wish to find ways to exploit a connection to Arrhazon for personal benefit, or for benefit in elevating their country at the expense of other countries.
You know this, and you work to achieve the opposite result. I trust they have never encountered one as confident and with such diplomatic cachet as you – not even President Ellenwood has that kind of immediate influence.”
“I beg to differ, ‘essa. You have such cachet, a good deal more than me.”
“Well, I continue to see it differently, but it matters not, because I am not a diplomat. We two are like a one-family Sinn Fein and IRA, you the legitimate political one, and me, well, I am the untethered activist!”
“Nice analogy, my loving rebel! We seem rather structured like that, ‘essa; and I suspect you have words good and bad to share about the nation I am soon to visit.”
“Whatever led you to that conclusion, my dear J’har? That I think some in the west are too dismissive and fearful of China, and that China in turn has significant human rights and environmental issues within its borders… yes I have thoughts on these matters, which will be expressed when we play in Beijing and Shanghai.
It just amazes me that people take into account the nation is one fifth of this world’s population for potential marketing purposes, but are otherwise so utterly dismissive of the country politically.
Conversely, the government of that nation has its own issues with how it views the remainder of the world, and how it interacts with its own people, including the people of Taiwan and Tibet. Squelching rights is not appropriate, ever, and I am rather sensitive to that issue.”
“You have good reason, ‘essa.”
“That we both do. I understand that China wishes not to disintegrate into factions and that there is historical justification for their concern. Neither of us wishes this to happen – we wish the world to find ways to unite, not disintegrate.”
“I so wish you could accompany me, but I understand this is an important time for you, school wise.”
“Due to my music background – and that cachet we talked about, I am fortunate that class work and study is waived for me, and instead I am to focus on research and writing of my thesis, and it is research which claims me for a couple of weeks.
It will take years actually, but this is just to get my feet wet and generate an intended subject and goal. Once I have that submitted to Oxford/N’rellia, then my time constraints will loosen.”
“Loosen? With concerts, speeches, two children, and another on the way, your time constraints will loosen – har! And what of your travels and interactions on behalf of your diplomat wife, no time spent there, either!
“OK, so my life is rather richly full. Look at the bright side. With Chekresu, most often we sleep together at night, not apart.”
“Although not this time; we are staying in China for three days, but then we will use Mmurha and not Chekresu. That way, the rest of you here will have a way to get to your concerts. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Chsensera will accompany us to China as well; she decided today to join us.”
“Margaret excused her from class for three days?”
“Yes, and arranged for Chsen to write a paper on her impressions, experiences, and thoughts from the trip.”
“Excellent, it is great experience for her, and she is another who is quite skilled in language, which is always useful.” Llhaesa decided the time to broach what weighed on her mind was nigh, and so before she could change her mind, she walked into the murky waters. “Jahrae, close your eyes, please.”
“Close my eyes? You expect me to willingly subject myself to your antics yet again?” Jahrae rolled her eyes playfully, knowing she was quite willing to play whatever game llhaesa had in mind.
“This is no ploy, my dear; it is a moment where you need to trust in me, and despite your teasing, I already know you do.”
“Yes, I do. Very well, then.” Jahrae dutifully closed her eyes, adding extra emphasis for effect. Llhaesa was correct; she trusted her partner heart and soul.
Jahrae sank down into the sofa, stretching out into a lying position, her head dropping into llhaesa’s lap.
“Very good, now please, please keep your eyes closed until I say I am finished.” Llhaesa began to lightly run her fingers through Jahrae’s hair, over and over, using her fingers as a wide-tooth comb.
Llhaesa drew a slow and deep breath, finding her courage, finding her voice. “Think back to Arrhazon. Let your mind feel the days when I was no longer there, flash through meeting Jesnsera’s mum and finding your strength to cast off drugs, ready to face the pain of loss. Now think through the revolution; think of you amongst the people in the streets, and how airships closed in, how you knew they were going to kill thousands if you did not act, and act immediately.
Think through how you made that call, how you directed some to care for those injured, and then led the people to the government tower; and think through how once inside you made your way up sixty flights of stairs, where you stopped people from killing Brellian in order that the justice system you all believed in would emerge strong.
Think through how you worked with Kukaeshra and beautifully timed the release of each of my songs, as well as the final release, the documentary. Think through when you appeared on the broadcast programme. Think through how all of these things changed a world forever.
Think of running the charitable foundations, building them into the largest and most respected on Arrhazon. Think through the rescue mission to here, searching for me, including how you commanded Equality along the way.
Can you envision all of these things, Jahrae?”
“Yes. Yes, I can, but you already know that.”
Llhaesa knew this was crunch time, but she was ready. “Yes, I do, and you performed masterfully each and every time. What I also know is that lately you have shown some hesitance before rendering a decision and in deference to me, and that has to end, and end now.
You are a leader; you have proven it many times over. You lead as well as I lead, and I readily defer to you in your areas of expertise, but unhesitatingly claim leadership in mine.
So too must you, Jahrae, again and now, as you did before, except with me here. You are technically in charge of Arrhazonans on this world; you are technically the final say on the safety of each of us, on anything that might affect the people of Arrhazon, or reflect back upon them. It is time you stop living like it is fifteen years ago, and recognise I see and love the Jahrae of now even more than I loved the Jahrae of then fifteen years ago – as impossible as that might seem.”
“But…” Jahrae feebly muttered, her eyelids flickering as she began to object.
“No ‘buts’, and please try to keep your eyes closed a while longer, my love. Thank you.
You cannot defer to me on matters of diplomacy, you must always do what you believe is right for the people of Arrhazon, not what you think I wish you to do.
You cannot go to China with hesitance and regret playing through you that I am not with you; you go there with anticipation and an expectation and confidence you will accomplish your goals. You go with resolve and commitment.
I recently mentioned to you that we do not do things as a team as much as before, given the realities of our professions.
I suspect you think my statement of now contradicts what I said then, but think it through… doing things as a team does not mean one must always look to the other for guidance, it means doing things together as a team, not in one always leading and the other one always following. We – either of us – should lead where we are naturally inclined to lead, where we are experienced to lead, or trained to lead.
When we first were on Equality, I relished, absolutely relished, seeing how in the missing years you had found your voice, your strength, your calling in life. You matured from a wide-eyed nascent adult into a strong and humble yet supremely confident woman who knows what she wants, where she wishes to go in life, and what she wishes to accomplish along the way.
That I am back should not sap you of this, of what you found through that time, Jahrae. Reclaim your authority, reclaim your voice, and reclaim your status. You are my partner, and I love you; I wish you to be everything I have already seen you are. Do not defer to me except where warranted, and I promise that I will do the same with you.
OK, my rant is through, and I make no apology for saying these things and that you are the love of my life, that I wish all the very best for you, and that my comments were from that place of love.”
Llhaesa’s words stunned Jahrae; only once had one or the other so lectured their partner. The last time was fifteen years before, when llhaesa left the medical centre and snuck out to play a concert in the park across from the government tower, and she had informed llhaesa straightaway that such conduct had best not repeat again.
It was Jahrae’s turn to feel the heat, though it was surely a disconnection from confidence and deference to llhaesa, rather than an abuse of trust. Jahrae pulled her head off llhaesa’s lap, and turned as she sat up to face llhaesa directly.
“’essa, I am of uncertain mind on your comments, I am quite frankly stunned, and truly had not noticed such deference on my part, at least prior to now.
As I think back, yes, yes, I have done this, and really, it is how I rather imagined how reunion would restore our lives to the before; how it was then, so would it be again.”
Hesitating as her mind searched for more of how she felt, Jahrae could not find the words, and so llhaesa jumped in with additional comments.
“Jahrae, we had a wonderful life then, with unlimited love between us. Well, that unlimited love remains, but other things have changed – you and me forcibly separated, how we faced the different circumstances thereafter, that we have daughters now, soon to be three.
During that time, you have achieved so much that is notable and wonderful; you became a true leader that everyone – the entirety of a world – looks up to you to set moral direction.
Neither of us can change this, nor should we wash it away from our minds. We need to build our experiences, lessons, and achievements into our lives, and hold on to the best of, or from, all aspects of our lives.
We still have the times of our first years; our memories of then, but so too the other things from in between, and they strengthen our renewed relationship, because we are wiser and more experienced in life. We are stronger now than at that time.”
“I grasp your words, ‘essa and I understand your motivation. Yet understanding and doing are different elements. “
“Ask yourself this Jahrae. If my activism ran cross purpose to your diplomacy, what would you do?”
“I do not know.”
“And if say…Khahishra was set to do something that ran cross purpose to your diplomacy, what would you do?”
“I would ask her to desist, and if she failed to heed my request, I would invoke my authority as Ambassador and head of the Arrhazonan delegation to Arrkarhara.”
“Thank you. I now ask you again. If it were me, what would you do?”
