Sixteen months before the tragic and shocking shooting of M’traliel on the beach at Lake Winnipesaukee, a mood of optimism was implicit and pervasive throughout all the Arrhazonan team’s doings. This was especially so on the night of their White House reception, their formal coming out of sorts, to America.
Already in the White House and preparing for later events two floors below, the family and team moved about the third floor as if it was their private residence. Indeed, for this one overnight stay, ‘your temporary home’ was the verbal mandate given to them by President Ellenwood, their friend and host.
The White House was about to hold a formal state dinner in honour of Jahrae, llhaesa, their family, and all of the Arrhazonan team. In preparation, the President and wife Elaine graciously wished to open their home in welcome to their distinguished guests.
Inside of fifteen minutes of their arrival, Addison and Casey found and made themselves home in the Solarium Room as the last vestiges of late afternoon light flooded in from its many windows, windows that afforded a spectacular view of the Washington Monument and surrounding area.
Visiting the children in their chosen place of refuge, llhaesa made her way over to one of the spacious windows and stared outward, captivated by the lengthening shadows and pervasive ambient golden glow produced by the low lying and soon to set winter’s sun.
“Careful with your gown Addie, it will wrinkle quite easily,” llhaesa cautioned as she turned away from the windows, noticing Addie sprawled nonchalantly across a sofa. “The first time I wore a gown of that length, I tripped over it after just putting it on; I somehow stepped on the hem.”
Addison, springing into an upright position on the flowery patterned sofa, turned to llhaesa, amusement beginning to filter into her expression. “Did you fall?”
“Yes; I stuck my hand out just in time to keep me from breaking my nose. For the effort, I sprained my hand.”
This revelation sent both Addie and Casey into laughter, one reinforcing the other’s amusement. “I will take very good care not to do as you did, mum!” Addie blurted out amidst her laughter.
“You are so coordinated, which is why this seems so funny,” Addie added.
“I normally am, but I have my moments. For instance, I tend to hit my head on occasion, and probably will wearing these heels tonight. I am almost 194 centimetres in these infernal shoes, so if there is anything low-lying, ‘bonk’.
This is something with which you should take care going forward, dear daughter. You are growing quickly, and as you approach my height, especially as fast as you appear to grow, your head will take a few knocks as well.”
“That is such a wonderful thing to look forward to, sheesh! My head hurts already, just thinking about it.”
“Casey, you seem quite placid and content in your tuxedo,” llhaesa observed, changing the subject and drawing Casey into the conversation.
“It is all right, I guess,” he replied, the monotone and unenthusiastic reply suggesting he remained unconvinced. “I have never even worn a suit before, much less a tuxedo. I have to admit I do not look as good in my tuxedo as you do in yours, llhaesa.”
Casey’s comment caught llhaesa off guard; he never made such observations on dress of others, or even gave any indication the subject was of interest to him. “Why, thank you, Casey, but you look, as Jahrae would say, rather smashing in yours.”
Llhaesa is guarded in what she says to Casey; her intuition continues its strong suggestion that Casey has gender issues lurking somewhere inside. For all llhaesa knew, Casey might secretly prefer a gown to the tuxedo currently worn. “A modification of what Arrkarharans call ‘gaydar’,” llhaesa whimsically and silently mused. Deciding it would be insensitive to disregard and blow through the cautionary warnings, she sent her thoughts elsewhere.
“I’m going to head down the hall and rejoin the remainder of the family,” llhaesa advised Casey and Addie, taking her leave, “and I’ll be back when it is time for you to finish getting ready.”
Reaching the rest of the group, llhaesa surprisingly found the President chatting with Jahrae and Ronnie. Walking up to the President, llhaesa remarked, “We both wear tuxedos tonight, this must be a dinner of state first. It is great that we can eschew the rigid and formal constraints of years past; I love it! Well done, Alicia!”
The President made a show of checking over llhaesa from head to toe. “I must admit you will turn more than a few heads with your choice of dress, ‘essa; you certainly would turn mine!” the president winked along with offering the compliment. “Not only are you supermodel gorgeous, no one can miss seeing you given your height.
I chuckle at how one or more of our more traditional and older political invitees will react to you; one in particular that has been a thorn in my side, well, may I introduce you to him?
“Who is this person, and why would they react this way?” llhaesa was puzzled.
“Senator Bemis, Republican from Nevada. He is in his sixth term now, and he likes to project his size when talking with me; many have made this observation and I disbelieved. I finally started paying attention, and sure enough, he does this. It is quite amusing.”
“How tall is he?”
“Oh, maybe around six feet, nothing spectacular, but since I am 5’6”, he senses an advantage. With you in heels…”
“I have height advantage over him, I see. Hmmm, I will see what I can do. Please do introduce me to him!
I have to scoot downstairs. I will see you all in…a half hour!” The President gracefully disengaged from the group and headed off to prepare for her formal duties, loving this particular night more than any other formal affair to date.
In her opinion, the Arrhazonans were stand up people, without exception people she liked being around. “If their spirit infects this world as they and I hope,” the President silently postulated, “they just might succeed in the goals they espouse and work to achieve.”
Following protocol, the one hundred and thirty guests, including the special guests, arrived and made their entrance in the East Room ahead of the President, who was the last to enter. The President walked in arm and arm with her popular and fun loving wife, Dr. Elaine Bourassa, to the genteel ovation of the earlier arriving guests.
President Ellenwood made her way into the room, taking time to greet and chat with each person as she slowly worked forward. Watching from afar, llhaesa marvelled at Alicia’s easy grace, animatedly chatting with everyone, sincerely interested in what each had to say. Small wonder the nation elected her despite all the factors pundits had suggested stood in her way: Alicia cared about people.
Barbara Millwood called llhaesa out of her private contemplation of the President, wishing to introduce llhaesa to Dr. Sylvia Washington, the capable physician who brought the president back to good health after her bathroom fall. “It is my pleasure to meet you, Doctor,” llhaesa smilingly greeted, first shifting her glass of carbonated water and lime to her left hand before taking the doctor’s proffered hand.
“From what the President, Barbara, and Marcia have told me, you played a significant role in protecting this country from people less interested in the welfare of everyone, and more in their own power and money,” llhaesa opined, knowing her own rescue never would have happened, at least in the way it played out on that fateful day.
“Please call me Sylvia,” the doctor graciously asked, modestly adding, “We all do what we can to make things better, and from what I can see, you and Jahrae do far more than your share.
By the time I set things up so Alicia could sneak out of the hospital, I was certain you were the real deal. Thank you for confirming my judgement!”
“You are most welcome,” llhaesa replied, slightly blushing. “Have you had the opportunity to meet Elsrensia, our physician?”
“Yes, I did moments ago; she has invited me to travel to your world when you return. I am intrigued by this possibility, and have discussed it some with the President, who has final say.”
“We would love to have you!”
An authoritative and loud voice called out, interrupting the various conversations of guests, announcing that dinner was ready to serve. The Voice requested guests file over to the State Dining Room to take their seats.
Once the East Room was clear of people, workers began adding informal seating where there was only people standing moments before, providing small tables and chairs guests for après-dinner, in order that they could comfortably watch llhaesa perform.
Each guest moved to their assigned seating and settled in. Joining the President at her table was wife Elaine, Jahrae, llhaesa, Addison, Saehressa, Casey, Marcia Paang, Susan Woodward, and Barbara Millwood. As staff served the first course, a light spinach and carrot salad, the President rose and called for a toast.
“Thank you all for coming tonight to meet and chat with our special guests of honour, whom I hope you have had the chance to interact with over the last hour, or will over the remainder of our night.
I was elected on a theme of change, a call to optimism and to build for the future, but I have to say, after meeting llhaesa and Jahrae and all of the others, they made me rethink exactly what I meant by my original position, made me rethink the limited scope of what was actually a near sighted leadership vision.
This is a time of great hope, it is the greatest time in the history of humanity on this planet, a time when our cousins in the universe call upon us and ask us to join with them in becoming part of a newly forming interstellar community.
They ask simple things of us before they agree to a partnership with us. They ask that we stop making war on one another, that we feed those who are hungry, that we clothe those who are without clothes, that we provide health care to those without, that we educate all to the best of their ability, and that we unite as a world.
We collectively think this a daunting, overwhelming request and task. Admit it, each one of us here tonight, upon hearing of their grand vision for the first time, felt scepticism course through our thoughts, me as well as you. This is where I call out myself as myopic and near-sighted.
After that burst of scepticism, I stepped back and tried to look anew, this time from further afield, from their perspective. Damn, but they are right…they are right. They can see ability in us we refuse to see in ourselves – our ability to unite and take care of one another.
As you know, I have an interface that connects to their world, and I regularly exchange letters with their Chief of Government, Gl’nsiel Frehsan. She shared with me how llhaesa and Jahrae are the very best of their world; she would trust no one else, would not allow anyone else, to attempt the task they voluntarily undertake on this one. I have seen llhaesa and Jahrae’s records of achievement, and they are nothing less than extraordinary.
I knew llhaesa and I would be friends from the moment we exchanged two sentences on the way to the Jamila Live broadcast. I knew Jahrae and I would be friends from the moment she shared her first thoughts on the same programme.
They call us to walk with them across a bridge to a future we heretofore only fantasised about in our movies and literature. I know of no one more deserving of our appreciation and gratitude than Jahrae and llhaesa, and along with them their entire family and team.
Please join me in a toast to llhaesa, Jahrae, Ronnie – who by the way, is our future representative to Arrhazon, Elsrensia, Saehressa, Addison, little Sérada, who is not here tonight, Casey, Jesnsera, Chsensera, M’traliel, Khahishra, Anita, Dottie, Vicki, and David! Wow, I said that all in one breath!
You are our inspiration; to you!” Alicia held up her toasting glass and then brought it down to her lips, emphasising her actions. Draining the glass in one healthy sip, the President called out, “Thank you. Now, shall we eat?”
Alicia sat down, basking in the warmth of the champagne as it followed gravity into her body, combined with the feeling of warmth inspired by her words. Looking toward llhaesa, she noticed a reddish tint to llhaesa’s facial colouring. “Did I embarrass you, llhaesa?”
“I guess my face is a tad pinkish; no worries, I sometimes do that when people comment on me or our group.”
“What she will not say Madame President,” Jahrae interjected, “is that she is uncomfortable with anyone reminding of her accomplishments or that she should consider a leadership position.”
Llhaesa audibly groaned, and everyone at the table laughed, well knowing her distaste for personal power. It went unnoticed that her groan was absent a usual element of joviality.
“See what I mean?” Jahrae motioned toward llhaesa as she offered llhaesa’s groan as proof. “It is also one of her rather numerous endearing qualities.”
“Llhaesa, suppose one day our world is in fact unified, and we and Arrhazon and other worlds form an interstellar government. Would you consider taking a leadership position in that capacity?”
Llhaesa looked like she would groan anew, but surprised everyone by saying, “I would give that consideration.”
Everyone but the president and Elaine looked at llhaesa as if she just announced she was carrying sextuplets; the President, seemingly pleased, just smiled, sensing something stirred within llhaesa.
Saehressa broke the spell of silence, knowing she and Jahrae carried the most influence with llhaesa and had the most experience with evaluating and understanding her outlook.
In what was rare for her, she failed to notice llhaesa’s unusual mood, and consequently Saehressa’s face fashioned into something combining mirth with approval. She had thought on this issue for such a long time, and wished her daughter to know how she felt. Proceeding onward, she semi-rhetorically asked, “Well now, what have we here, my dear daughter?”
Saehressa, sitting directly across from llhaesa, looked intently at her daughter, love pouring out of her eyes, her mind gathering the words that welled up and pressured for release. After a brief hesitation, Saehressa continued.
“Ever since you were a young child, you have exuded leadership skills, sometimes quietly, at other times not so quietly – you simply stepped in, stepped up, and got things done whenever you saw a need. Looking back, I suppose on some subconscious level I knew even while I carried you that something like this was your future; how, I know not, I just felt it in my soul.
No obstacle in your path is ever too large and no obstacle is ever too high. I cannot recall a time where you failed on something you put heart and mind into achieving or overcoming, and some of the things you did as a child where rather astounding, our first tangible clues that you possessed a rather formidable intellect and ability.
Through college, you focused on things of importance within and with your local environment – high school and college was your sheltered enclave. Yet on your last day of college, at your commencement, you stepped up and burst forth from your cocoon-like educational space, ready to embrace all of Arrhazon as your new environment in which to perform, play, evaluate, advocate, and change.
A great many people took notice of your commencement speech and performance, initially not quite believing what they heard and saw. That you went after the government in such a blunt, candid way, that you had information no one else had, that what you did in performing was even possible – your dad and I, as well as your friends and instructors, knew your performing talent, we knew your political inclinations, but not Arrhazon, it knew not. A lot more would have noticed were it not for suppression of the story by the government.
You were remarkable. Perhaps for historians of the future evaluating our time, they will single out your commencement as the turning point in Arrhazonan history. This was unsurprising for me at the time, I watched you for twenty-two years. You were just llhaesa being llhaesa, doing something because it was natural for you to perform that way, natural for you to call out how Arrhazon needed to change. This is not an acquired talent, it is an intrinsic part of your soul – you know no other way to be.
You abhor desiring leadership my dear, yet you simultaneously relentlessly place yourself in a position where others will call for you to lead, seeing and hearing your advocacy and your deeds. You might not take the time to notice the things you do that produce a clamour for your leadership, but they will, they have, and they do. You do things no one else can even dream of doing – again, natural for you. Yes, you could simply refuse to use your talent, but that is not in your personal make up.
Jahrae – at least I think she does – grasps the significance of her tangential actions and contributions, as well as acknowledges other roles she might assume in the future. Maybe she understands and sees these things because she had to work harder at it, but there are commonalities between both of you. She ran from activism as you run from power – until she realised that she could best honour you and your memory by standing up and taking the lead as an activist.
Your inspiration not only saved her life, but in the process, Jahrae found strength and ability she never believed existed within her. She found what she believed in and what mattered to her.
You know the ability to lead is within you, dear daughter. Hearing you say ‘you would give that consideration’ is an indication you finally begin to realise just what it is you have accomplished and what it is you possess for ability, how it might best be applied in the future. Perhaps you begin to understand how and why you inspire, why others embrace you and trust you to do what is collectively best for us all.
The two of you are a unique team, some things in common, some not, each getting to where you are through different paths and experiences, but it seems the universe not only intentionally chose to bring you together, it chose well in bringing you to each other.
Maybe there is a greater purpose here, beyond either of you. Your famed reluctance and resistance might well be one of the very traits that make you best qualified for what it asks of you, but there is a time to keep that as a reminder, not as a hindrance.
Listen to your mother, ‘essa…for once.”
The last line drew laughs from all at the table excepting llhaesa, who merely smiled. Even Addie and Casey found the discussing interesting and Saehressa’s last comment amusing. Addie just thought of llhaesa as her mother, not a potential leader of the universe. Casey, new to the family, just thought of llhaesa as a caring sister, one kind and personally guiding. Now, for both, there was this new, beyond world-scale picture to factor into the whole.
Llhaesa surprised again by saying nothing in rebuttal or otherwise, picked with her fork around the periphery of her salad for a minute or two before courteously excusing herself and leaving the table, calmly meandering around tables and walking out of the room.
No one at the table was quite sure what just happened, or if llhaesa was even upset. Jahrae, seated just to the right of the President, started to rise, but the President interceded, placing her hand on Jahrae’s hand, asking, “Jahrae, if I may, please allow me to go talk with her.”
The request left Jahrae slightly taken aback, but she acceded, sitting back down while offering a simple, “All right, if you wish.”
The President reprised llhaesa’s departure, excusing herself and calmly strolling around the tables, acknowledging greetings but plodding determinedly forward and out of the room, walking into Cross Hall just in time to see llhaesa disappear at the far end of the Hall into the East Room.
Alicia continued onward, but before as she reached the wide entryway into the East Room, the sweet and beautiful sound of a piano floated outward, instantaneously mesmerising and enthralling her with its ethereal but troubled and complex melody.
Llhaesa noticed Alicia enter the room, but she kept playing until Alicia stood but a metre in front of her and then stopped, looking at Alicia with the saddest eyes the President could recall seeing in a long while.
“’essa, might I sit with you?” Alicia asked, softly, gently.
“If you wish, please feel free.”
“Thank you.” Llhaesa slid over on the piano bench, allowing the President to take the space nearest to her. “I know this might ring hollow given I am in the pre-eminent political position on this world, but… I understand how you feel.
You may know I am an artist by education and training, but you likely do not know that I was good; in fact, my first month post college I sold a few works for what were significant sums for an unknown artist at that time. Three to be exact and they are still works held privately by the same three families.
The only ones who know of this are my family and those who hold the works.
I happened to mention health care to the last client making their purchase, sharing how my mum was running up huge bills due to her illness, yet she did not have health coverage, and I fear I ranted to this unfortunate person, such poor marketing skill!
Instead of my ranting turning her off, she encouraged me to do something about health care. She told me I was articulate and knowledgeable and could make a difference, but to always hold tight to my artist’s heart.
The next year, I ran for the State Senate and won. Soon, my political career advanced, and I set my artist life aside, supposedly temporarily. Oh, I fully intend to go back to it once my tenure as President is over. I miss it a great deal, ‘essa.
I do dabble with painting – more than dabble, actually – in my private time, especially when troubled, as you are now. You have been through much over the last eight months. First, there was the horror of instinctively knowing that as Tim your body was all wrong, then as that set right, the government hunted you down and abused you, followed by the arrival of Jahrae. Immediately thereafter, Addison chose to embrace her Arrhazonan heritage, and you chose to become a mother, dealing now with your pregnancy.
You have not had the time to process how you feel, you have not had time to mature into your outlook and where you wish to go in life; in many ways you are still 25, though you did mature in some way by continuing to experience life as Tim, but Tim’s life and your life are a universe apart. On this specific issue, it is not one with which you have had to wrestle for fifteen years.
I guess that is a long-winded, politician’s way of saying, ‘I understand, ‘essa’.”
Llhaesa did not look up, and instead played another burst of thirty seconds of a concerto she wrote and would play later. Alicia watched how llhaesa worked her hands across the keyboard, awed by the sheer talent of the woman beside her. Stopping, llhaesa turned toward Alicia, her mind processing, evaluating, and assembling what she wished to say.
“Alicia, when you were elected to this office, were you scared?”
“Oh, I was terrified, llhaesa. There are times when it scares me still. People do not see us now, wrestling with all too human feelings, they only see ‘supports this bill’, or ‘opposes that bill’.
Talking with you now, I feel human; you understand and appreciate me as being human. I feel that way with Elaine; she keeps me grounded, just as Jahrae keeps you grounded. In truth, I prefer this feeling to the feeling that comes from a successful coursing of a bill I support through Congress.
When I am done with the public stuff for the day, I take my kowtowed to arse and park it in front of someone who knows me like no other. Elaine can see through my moods, see through my silences, and even through my occasional moments of euphoria. She sees me naked, not just in body, but especially in mind and soul, and I guess that isn’t something I would wish to share with the public, anyway.”
Alicia took hold of llhaesa’s hands, holding them tight as she continued. Llhaesa could feel Alicia will for love to flow outward through her hands, the offering love of a friend, concerned.
Both acknowledged this feeling without speaking, sitting there eyes locked, a new level of trust building upon the foundation of the old. Finally, Alicia felt it was ok to continue.
“What your mum said a few minutes ago overwhelmed you, right?”
“I guess, no it is more than that. Jahrae encouraged this, and that bothered some, to be honest; it just did not feel like our usual playful teasing. With my mum, I know on some level deep inside, she is right – after all, she is my mum, and we have always had a special relationship; we trust one another, we speak forthrightly. My parents – mum and dad both, guided and nurtured me. Even with the loss of their first child, they gave me room to find my place in life.
This is what bothers me, Alicia. Jahrae choosing almost immediately to pursue the topic, coupled with my mum’s candid assessment that I hold back, that I have this capability and duty that I run away from, that I should embrace. I appreciate her candour, but emotionally, I am not ready.
I lost fifteen years of my life. OK, I didn’t really lose the fifteen years, but I gained a wholly different and unanticipated fifteen years, years on a different world, of a different gender, and a different life. I would not trade away those years ever, because I love Addie and Serry heart and soul.
Just for a little while, can I revel in and reacquaint with my family, in the precious little things that Jahrae does, Addie does, or Serry does, and soon, what Ahrella will do? Can I embrace my motherhood without constant reminders I have other responsibilities to get on with in life? There is time for all that; I just wish to live life and cherish life right now, for once. As it is, I chase around this world convincing people to call upon their governments to change and unite. Can that be enough, at least for now, please? Please?”
Llhaesa finished speaking just as her inner will fell to the forces of emotion within, unable to hold back any longer. Her fingers tried and failed to strike the piano keys, her mind distracted by the rising tide within her. Tears called out confirmation of what Alicia already knew: this was a moment of reconnection, of llhaesa acknowledging and coming to terms with, her resumed life.
Alicia pulled the unresisting llhaesa into her arms, signalling a will to comfort through the steady hold of her arms. She knew better than to say anything, after all, what could she say? That llhaesa need not do this, that others should allow her to embrace a life she now fought to pull tight to her. No, silence was best, physical contact, better.
Llhaesa was not hopelessly mired in tears; this was a soft cry, one of contemplation and evaluation, rather than one of a lost hope or despair. After fifteen minutes, she pulled her head away from Alicia, muttering a heartfelt “thank you”.
“Alicia,” llhaesa began, her voice now gentle, yet resumed with her usual strength. “You have given me much to think about. For now, I must embrace my family and hold tight to the large and small joys they bring to me.
There will come a time when I will embrace leadership, when I am ready for a formal leadership position.
Shall we go back to join the others?”
“If you wish, ‘essa, we can. May I ask what you wish to play for us later?
“I played a portion of it when you came in, it’s called, ‘Piano Concerto for the Uniting Worlds’; that particular passage you heard is part of the Prelude.”
First sliding off the bench, both smoothed their clothing, llhaesa making certain there were no residual signs of her tears. Finished, the President and honoured guest walked arm and arm out of the East Room and Down Cross Hall, disengaging from physical contact just prior to entering the State Dining room.
They casually rejoined the head table, with some of the other guests in the room looking on curiously, given the almost half-hour absence of the President and llhaesa. The serving staff, out of deference to the President and llhaesa, held off on removing the salad plates and serving the next course.
The adults at the table pretended as if nothing at all happened, although each also felt a deep sense of worry, well knowing something did happen. Most of all Jahrae felt disconnected, felt she somehow failed llhaesa with her initial words and by not responding and comforting when llhaesa obviously hurt.
While Jahrae wrestled with her faux pas and imagined failure, Saehressa silently boxed and jabbed at herself for choosing this night and this setting with these guests to lay bare her thoughts, thoughts on an unresolved dilemma that plagued her daughter through adulthood. “Why how I said it,” replayed in her mind, and why say it now?”
