• chapters – book one
  • chapters – book two
  • nelle

worlds undone

worlds undone

Category Archives: Aailhra

CCLVIII – guiding grandmothers

30 Tuesday Dec 2008

Posted by nelle in Aailhra, Addison, Anita, Chsensera, Djellrin, Ensign Sserhara, Hrilleae, Jahrae, llhaesa, reiki, Saehressa, Serada

≈ Leave a Comment

Tags

blog fiction, blog novels, blog stories, blog-books, creative writing, e books, e novels, eBooks, feminism, feminist, feminist fiction, feminist literature, feminist stories, feminist writing, fiction, lesbian, lesbian books, lesbian fiction, lesbian literature, lesbian stories, lesbian writing, lesbian-novels, literature, online books, online novels, original fiction, story telling, writing

Just as Ronnie and Jahrae needed time to bond, there was a plethora of other interconnected relationships in their nascent stage.

One tangle of new relationships was that of the assembled grandmothers, the three of which already kicked around the idea of bringing their fourth into the mix once back on planet.

Saehressa was the most outgoing of the grandmothers, while Anita was the shyest. Along with Hrilleae, the three formed a lively group, and whether partying in the lounge or formally dining, their laughter proved contagious to those seated nearby.

With this group, Anita lost the shyness, and displayed an irreverent sense of humour that on one occasion caused Ronnie to blush and call out, “mom!”

Jahrae was used to Saehressa and Hrilleae embarrassing her, and had developed a modicum of immunity to their observations. With Anita now entrenched in the mix, Jahrae had to adjust and prepare yet again. “Llhaesa, helllllp” she silently teased the universe for assistance.

The grandmothers had an immediate focal point to rally around, their grandchildren. While Anita was a veteran grandmother, these first few days with Addison and Serada was a new experience for Hrilleae and Saehressa. For Saehressa, who thought her daughter lost long ago, the joy of the prospect of reunion with llhaesa, and now with her grandchildren with her, renewed her life, made her feel youthful, ready to take on life’s ongoing challenges and explore two worlds.

Hrilleae at least still had Jahrae and Djellrin in her life over the time since llhaesa’s loss, though of course, Jahrae was as much Saehressa’s daughter as llhaesa was. Hrilleae made a point to chat with Djellrin every night, though the times were discordant; it was morning in Arrhazon City when they chatted.

Now, there was fun and excitement on board, often of the grandmother’s creation, or in tandem with the children. Addison was a young adult of course, and the three grandmothers regarded her as such, but Addison was their grandchild, and as with Serada, fated to feel the full compliment of their grandmotherly love.

Since Addison was baby sitting on this night while Ronnie and Jahrae sorted through their relationship – which the three grandmothers casually and privately observed progressed nicely – they made their way to the lounge, and sat more than sampling Arrhazonan refreshment fare.

Ronnie and Jahrae returned to their rooms around midnight, and when Ronnie checked on the girls, found Anita was not there. She returned to Jahrae’s room and shared this, and so the two set out for the lounge, entering to hear the riotous laughter of their gathered mothers.

“Here you two, have a seat!” Saehressa called out, rising, and dragging two chairs over from a nearby empty table.

Jahrae laughingly whispered to Ronnie, adding a facial expression to match, “Can you believe this?”

“So, what is it you two chatted about this evening, hmmm?” Hrilleae asked, quite willing to step in and pry at the sorted and unsorted dynamics of Ronnie and Jahrae’s newfound and as yet undetermined and unpronounced relationship – they were all family after all.

Ronnie looked at Jahrae with an ‘oh, sheesh!’ look, and Jahrae thought she skilfully deflected the query – knowing now was not the time to delve into personal intricacies – by offering up what she thought sounded legitimate. “Ronnie insists that I assume a full parental role, even to the point of standing up to her on issues involving the children.”

What Jahrae actually got were three simultaneous and insistent “you should!” responses. With that collective outburst fading as rapidly as the three gave it voice, Anita spoke next. “Jahrae, I know you are tentative in actually doing as Ronnie suggests, after all, you have just met Ronnie and the girls, but Ronnie has thought on this matter for months now, ever since we met llhaesa and learned of her life.

Llhaesa knew you were coming for her – she sensed it practicing reiki, touched your soul and she insisted she knew.”

Jahrae looked at Anita intently, Jahrae’s eyes reflecting the reconnection to knowing that clicked in that moment. She had forgotten that connection, that touching of llhaesa’s soul, in the hectic scurrying of the last few days. Jahrae now had confirmation that what she felt was legitimate and not wishful thinking when practicing Aailhra. Jahrae felt her heart – and her commitment to Aailhra – leap. “Thank you, Anita.”

Anita was hardly finished. “My daughter expects you to be, believes you should be, a full parent to the children, not a pretend parent, not an honorary parent. From what I have seen, everything llhaesa told us about you is correct – in fact, I think you are even more impressive, as hard as that would be to believe given llhaesa’s high praise, than what she told us about you.

From what I see, you can be decisive, and you think quickly under pressure. You are a natural born leader – as are Ronnie and llhaesa. Do not shy away from what the universe desires for you, my dear Jahrae.

Know this: I claim you as my daughter just as you will claim my granddaughters, and you will not see me debate whether I am your ceremonial mother or real mother – I am laying claim to you, my dear, and I have two others sitting here who have already urged me to say this very thing. So now you have heard it!”

Jahrae laughed, and replied, “How do you really feel, Anita? Uh oh… I mean… mum.” Jahrae made a point of getting up, walking over to Anita, and giving her a big hug.

“Thank you… now how about a round of drinks to celebrate?” Anita added, cherishing this moment.

“Fair enough, drinks are on me!” Jahrae motioned to the server, who hustled over to take their order.

Jesnsera walked in just then, and walked over to the newly expanded family. “I couldn’t sleep, so I turned on my internet interface, connected to planetside. Jamila held a live broadcast today, and we missed it.”

“What was it on?” Jahrae asked.

“Llhaesa, Jamila ran a recording of when Tim’s genes broke down and she reverted from Tim to llhaesa. It is pretty stunning video.”

“OK, thank you Jesn. We will view this tape in the morning. Would you care to join us and have a drink?”

“No thank you, I think I’ll pass for tonight, and try to find sleep again. You all look like you are having a grand time, have a drink for me!” With that, Jesn headed out, leaving Jahrae to wonder if something more was going on in Jesn’s mind. She made a mental note to ask her tomorrow.

The group settled down on Jesn’s pronouncement, and discussed what they might see. At least,” Hrilleae observed, “this is a happy occurrence, reclaiming llhaesa. “Oh, sorry Ronnie…”

“No, no that is quite all right!” Ronnie replied. “Tim was miserable, and as it turns out, I did not appreciate the full depth of that misery, of what was wrong. Now I do, and knowing what I know now, knowing llhaesa, knowing all of you, you could not pay me enough to wish for things to revert to how they were. This… is better for everyone, including me and including the girls.”

The group again quieted, and so Ronnie seized upon this to candidly remark, “Saehressa-”

“Mum!” Saehressa corrected.

“Mum, my mistake! You look so much like llhaesa it is eerie. You could be twins!”

Saehressa laughed and blushed, but channelled her energy into a comment. “I bet llhaesa loves looking like someone who is in her late 60s. Ok, so we Arrhazonans live to 150 or more, but still…”

Ronnie would have none of it. “You still look like llhaesa, and you look very youthful. Hell, you look younger than me!”

“Nonsense, Ronnie. I love you already; you need not – what is that English word I search for and miss here? Suck! You don’t have to suck up to me!”

Ronnie burst out laughing over how Saehressa came to toss out ‘suck.’

“No sucking up… teach me some of your Arrhazonan expletives and we will get along splendidly!

“Nonetheless,” Saehressa continued with her point, “please do not short-change yourself in such a manner, or I will have to team up with my grandmother colleagues and kick your arse!”

Ronnie laughed heartily, but grew into a reflective mood, savouring what unfolded currently. “I guess we all have room to grow into each other here, but it starts by knowing the pathways are clear to connection, and I rather like that. I would never have dreamed that family would exist in this way, and that it would carry such wonderful bonds, bonds we actively seek out and encourage, instead of just falling into them.”

The server brought the drinks, and the group – the family – partied onward well into the early morning hours.

As Jahrae finally made her way to bed, her thoughts wandered not only towards wishing a loving good night to llhaesa, but she worried over Jesnsera. She reaffirmed her intent to chat with Jesn the following day, when she finally pried herself out of what promised to be a very comfortable and cosy bed.


← Older posts
Newer posts →

♣ raison d’être


Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

nelle

♣ say that again?

Aalon:

A.ah.lawn



Aailhra:

A.yul.har.rah



Arrhazon:

Are.ha zawn



Brellian:

Brr.L.lee.an



Chsensera:

Cheh.sen.sear.rah



Cshrehyi:

Sess.ray.hee



Djellrin:

Dee.jell.er.in



E'sphara:

E.ss.far.ruh



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



Hrilleae:

Ha.rill.ee.ay



I'Isahra M'lensa:

I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



Jesnsera Sserhara:

Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



Elsrensia K’avahra:

L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



Khaehala:

Kay.ha.la



Khahishra:

Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



Kyielra:

Ka.E.I'll.ra



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

lie yay sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



M'sela J'serhn:

Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



M'traliel Zralensa:

M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



Mrevan:

Mm.ruh.van



Njesera:

En.djuh.say.rah



N'rellia:

N.rell.lee.ah



Olterian:

Oh.L.tear.E.an



Saehressa:

Sigh.ah.ress.ah



Serada:

Sir.rah.da



Sjre Jlrasre:

S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



Sk'vra Kjurha:

Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



Vreloran:

Vreh.lore.an



Zreltian:

Zzer.L.she.an



♣ people and places

  • 51 Pegasi
  • Aailhra
  • Aalon
  • Addison
  • AGA
  • Alicia Ellenwood
  • Anita
  • arlkhala
  • Arrhazon
  • Arrhazon College
  • Arrhka
  • Arrkarhara
  • Barbara Millwood
  • Bill Green
  • Boston
  • Brellian
  • Casey
  • Chsensera
  • city north
  • Cshrehyi
  • David
  • Djellrin
  • Dolores
  • Dottie Salston
  • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
  • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
  • Dr. Wrehsx
  • E'sphara
  • Empo
  • Ensign Sserhara
  • Gl'nsiel
  • Henry Smithson
  • Hrilleae
  • I’Isahra M’lensa
  • J'saera
  • Jahrae
  • Jamila Karenga
  • J’luhre Forest Preserve
  • Jesnsera
  • Jredvarha City
  • Keene
  • Khaehala
  • Khahishra
  • Kukaeshra
  • Kyielra
  • Lajxa R’chr
  • llhaesa
  • Lzrehae
  • M'sela J'serhn
  • M'traliel
  • Marcia Paang
  • Mark Cahill
  • Mrevan
  • N'rellia
  • N'rellia Naturally
  • Nenseru Woods
  • Njesera
  • North 41
  • Old City
  • Olterian
  • reiki
  • Ronnie
  • Saehressa
  • Sara Beth
  • SEQ
  • Serada
  • Sjre Jlrasre
  • Sk'vra
  • southeast quadrant
  • Susan Woodward
  • Sylvia Washington
  • Tim
  • V'aesza
  • Vicki
  • Vreloran
  • Y'sre School of Music
  • Zreltian

♣ who’s who

Aalon:

Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



Aailhra:

Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



Addison:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



Arrhazon:

llhaesa & Jahrae home world



Brellian:

Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



Chsensera:

Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

llhaesa’s brother



Djellrin Khentavra:

Jahrae’s dad



E'sphara:

Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Chief of Government after Brellian



Hrilleae Khentavra:

Jahrae’s mum



Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

Commander of Equality



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



Jesnsera Sserhara:

hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



Elsrensia K’avahra:

Physician and revolutionary



Khaehala:

Chsensera’s mum



Khahishra:

llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



Kyielra:

victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

musician and leader of two worlds



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Government employee and discoverer of important documents



M'sela J'serhn:

llhaesa’s college advisor



M'traliel Zralensa:

friend of llhaesa, and first lover



Mrevan:

llhaesa’s dad



Njesera:

Head of government records department



N'rellia:

Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



Olterian:

Concert promoter



Saehressa:

llhaesa’s mum



Serada:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



Sjre Jlrasre:

Café owner



Sk'vra Kjurha:

llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



Vreloran:

government technician who helps llhaesa



Zreltian:

Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



♣ historical tales

  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008

♣ Feedburner


Subscribe in a reader


♣ CC License

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa t'yaeli



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

♣ CC Licence II

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

Blog at WordPress.com. Theme: Customized Chateau by Ignacio Ricci.