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worlds undone

worlds undone

Category Archives: Bill Green

CCLXVI – reunion part III

04 Sunday Jan 2009

Posted by nelle in Alicia Ellenwood, Arrhazon, Barbara Millwood, Bill Green, Gl'nsiel, Jahrae, llhaesa, Marcia Paang, Ronnie

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blog fiction, blog novels, blog stories, blog-books, books, creative writing, e books, e novels, eBooks, feminism, feminist, feminist fiction, feminist literature, feminist stories, feminist writing, fiction, lesbian, lesbian books, lesbian fiction, lesbian literature, lesbian stories, lesbian writing, lesbian-novels, literature, online books, online novels, original fiction, story telling, writing

Much as they had fifteen years before, the first few notes that called out from the piano carried a blues feel, a telltale signature of keystrokes from memory that stirred Jahrae to know the long journey and separation was at last, over.

What happened in those first few seconds and minutes thereafter would later blur together, such was her level of excitement, love, relief, and joy. In subsequent years, watching recordings of this moment filled in the gaps, and allowed Jahrae to reconnect with her thoughts as things unfolded.

Now, now, the piano carried much insinuation. Jahrae took a tentative and slow step toward the curtain, and stopped as a raw, raspy, unfiltered but powerful voice called out – this time in English – aurally sweeping through the auditorium with the most beautiful sound heard in all of her life.

Fifteen years lost in time and space,
Fifteen years without your loving embrace,
I have had quite enough of separation and space.
Dark haired goddess, L’il Ms Fantasy wants you!

So much had unfolded since llhaesa’s first variation of that song plied Hrensa Music Hall, llhaesa’s seductive song catching Jahrae in a wave of amusing embarrassment. This time, Jahrae was wiser and not so easily embarrassed, and she carried something within that would startle and surprise her teasing partner: catching llhaesa before she could begin another verse, Jahrae began to sing, sing well, and sing loud.

L’il Ms Fantasy, you have made your case,
I too have had enough of separation and space,
I yearn for your touch and the smile upon your face,
L’il Ms Fantasy, Dark Haired Goddess wants you!

Jahrae finished this verse, thinking her musical foray at an end in that one moment of surprise, but the sound of the piano continued onward, and led directly into more improvised lyrics from llhaesa.

Jahrae, surprising herself with the singing of lyrics she fabricated and fashioned as fast as she sang, matched llhaesa in wittiness and proclamation of eternal love. The two played back and forth in song as if a real life opera and the audience loved it, because it was spontaneous, because it was real, and a love story inevitably enthrals and enamours everyone.

After the third round of verses, the curtain drew back to find llhaesa seated at the piano, smiling as the retracting curtain finally revealed her love standing not ten metres away. She ceased piano-play, rose gingerly from the piano bench, and took her first step toward Jahrae.

Jahrae gasped at the sight of llhaesa, and before the second step in llhaesa’s direction, tears streamed down her face.

In contrast to her appearance the last time she sang a version of this song, llhaesa wore blue jeans, a basic white top, and white tennies, but she never looked better. Carrying near infinite love inside, coupled with a forced separation that evolved as this one had, removed any ability to stem the flow of tears. Jahrae’s eyes blurred from the tearing, and fortunately, no obstacles stood in the path to llhaesa.

The distance between closed rapidly, but in the moment, the movement felt like slow motion. Four full steps into the short stage crossing, llhaesa’s arms rose into the air and reached outward, anticipating and preparing for their imminent embrace.

Jahrae reciprocated, her arms rising and opening, ready to tightly contract and never let go. A smile for the ages formed upon Jahrae’s face, while her eyes twinkled with both the still flowing tears and the full force of one willingly succumbing to fulfilment in the throes of love.

With the last step for each, llhaesa wrapped her arms around Jahrae, as Jahrae did with her, but llhaesa, her quiet and normally hidden but substantial strength now unhindered and unrestrained, swept Jahrae right off her feet. No matter that llhaesa had two recently fractured ribs; love cast aside the pain, cast it aside in favour of totally giving of herself to the only person in this universe who could forever hold her heart, who could take her heart, and make it one with her own.

Jahrae felt her feet leave the stage, her weight now borne by llhaesa’s arms. Llhaesa moved as if Jahrae were a child in size and weight, for she swung Jahrae around in a full circle, once, twice, three times. Jahrae’s legs flew outward from the action of centrifugal force, creating a beautiful if unintended movement of dance. Midway through the first circulation, llhaesa’s voice sprang into action, yet another demonstration and manifestation of the incredible jubilance she carried in her mirthful and exultant soul.

While difficult to sing with the hairline fracture of her jaw, as with the fractured ribs, llhaesa overrode the pain, the exuberance of her love taking a back seat to no other bodily need. Nothing would stand in the way of the sheer exhilaration that plied through her now.

The pain was somewhat mitigated as llhaesa chanted, simply projecting a not amplified voice such that even those sitting or standing in the furthest reaches of the studio could clearly hear and understand. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-lalila ha aah ahh…”

Jahrae felt her soul assuaged by llhaesa’s embrace and chant, and if she could will such a thing, would have willed this a moment to freeze forever in time, this to revisit and retouch again and again and again.

Over the coming days, weeks, months, years, and on into the flow of time, pictures of the exuberant llhaesa, her face reflecting pure, unadulterated joy, chanting and seemingly defying gravity by swinging Jahrae through the air, would repeatedly surface whenever a subject touched on the most wonderful of human emotions.

This would produce the most well known image of all time, earning its maker best news photograph of the year honours, and much later, best photograph ever. Film and theatre productions would attempt to recreate the moment and the emotions that plied through everyone there, from llhaesa and Jahrae to the others on stage to the whole of the audience. Some productions came somewhat close, but none ever matched the sheer intensity of reality in that moment.

Others would later refer to this as that point in time when the tide of opinion on same sex marriage changed, as people watched the full magnitude of the love each partner carried for the other unfold before their eyes, and finally realised love knows no specific combination of gender in a committed partnership.

Through each revolution, the chanting continued until llhaesa came to a stop and allowed Jahrae to regain purchase on the stage floor. Jahrae stumbled a bit once her feet found the floor, her balance thrown off by the spinning swing-dance of revelry.

They fell again into the arms of the other; this time sharing a prolonged kiss, uncaring that two worlds captivatingly watched. In truth, two worlds watched and encouraged them onward. If one were to snap a picture of each of the billions watching this reunion unfold in real time, never would so many be found to smile in the same moment in time.

This first kiss reluctantly ended, and Jahrae’s head fell upon llhaesa’s shoulder as she whispered her love in Arrhazonan. Llhaesa relished hearing the words in her native language; it had been far too long.

Another kiss followed before the two separated, turned toward the others on stage, and holding hands, made their way to greet those who worked so hard for llhaesa’s release. Llhaesa hugged each person in turn, and expressly thanked him or her for volunteering assistance.

After reaching and greeting Jamila, Jamila asked the first question in over a half hour, inquiring on llhaesa’s release.

President Ellenwood fielded the question. “When I left the hospital, a plan was underway to release llhaesa. Fortunately, Director Flowers of the Central Intelligence Agency saw things our way, and signed llhaesa’s release.

Marcia led llhaesa out of the building via his personal entrance in order to not attract attention and give away our plan. Barbara and I waited in her car a short distance away, and once Marcia and llhaesa arrived, we headed to the airport and a prearranged private flight here.

It was not easy keeping our cover, but we managed, at least until we arrived here at the studio.

Llhaesa and I had a nice, extended chat on the way here, and well, in that three hours of time, what I heard and observed convinced me that all of the good things said about her are right on the money.”

Turning toward the audience to make her case, Alicia continued. “Folks, undoubtedly you saw llhaesa’s rather careful rise from the piano bench.

About a week ago, llhaesa was beaten, and the person who inflicted the beating jumped upon her torso, creating a hairline fracture of two ribs. He also struck her face, with another hairline fracture of her jaw resulting.”

The audience gasped over this revelation, and the din of their comments one to another continued as Alicia further explained. “That she just swung Jahrae through the air, that she just sang, was stunning for me to watch – and doubly so knowing of her injuries.”

Jahrae’s face reformed into horror, for this was the first she knew of the additional torturing and lingering injuries, her mind flashing back to what she did during the same time llhaesa endured this punishment, which was basically bide time and talk. The thought made her wince.

Alicia turned toward Jahrae and llhaesa, who each stood with an arm wrapped around the back of the other, facing Alicia. “On behalf of the United States government, please accept my apology for what you have endured since first falling into our care. I assure you those responsible will be dealt with in an appropriate manner, and further assure you this… will never happen again.”

Llhaesa pulled her arm away from Jahrae, practical circumstances calling the need for momentary separation. “Thank you, Alicia,” she responded, reaching out with her hand while Alicia readily reciprocated, and then moved to give the President a quick hug, before continuing her comment. “Throughout this time, several things helped me to get me through the torture, beatings, and pain.

One was the love of my partner. No amount of space or time could ever diminish or fade the love that is inside of me for her. Another was love of Ronnie and our children, and now all of us are family! There is the love of our mums and dads and our friends, all of whom mean so much to me.

Yet there was one other element, knowing that you, Madame President, would recover, believing you would recover. This has proven to me you are an honourable leader, and hope it is ok for me to consider you a friend.”

Alicia mouthed a silent thank you towards llhaesa, and added, “Well, now you have a leader on each world that you trust!”

Llhaesa looked at Alicia in quizzical puzzlement, not quite understanding her meaning. While she assumed Brellian was gone, she had no idea of what happened after. There was so much information she needed to catch up on, so much of which she was unaware.

Jahrae replied for Alicia. “Llhaesa, Gl’nsiel is now in her fourth term as Chief of Government of Arrhazon.”

Llhaesa looked at Jahrae, the full impact of these words immediately apparent. “Gl’nsiel… equality is law? Ours is a democracy once again?”

“Yes, llhaesa. Gl’nsiel sent me on this mission to find you after the truth began to surface. I will share the stories more fully later on, for now suffice to say your dream has long been reality.”

Llhaesa sank to the stage floor, and all of the emotion of fifteen years of absence, of 39 years of struggle for equality – the whole of her life – flooded through her emotional veins.

Jahrae dropped down alongside, wrapping her arms around llhaesa’s shoulders, comforting her partner, whispering just the right words no one would ever hear or know but which helped llhaesa regain her posture and equilibrium.

Taking to her feet again, llhaesa called out to the audience. “Sorry for the momentary dissolution there, but when one spends a lifetime working for change, being separated from the events and learning subsequently change is reality is overwhelming.”

Jahrae knew of another way that might help llhaesa in the moment, distraction. “Llhaesa,” she asked quietly, keeping her voice low enough to avoid amplification by stage microphones. “Do you feel up to performing a bit for the audience?”

Llhaesa searched within, knowing her ribs throbbed with pain, and she was uncertain how her vocals would hold up giving her sore jaw. Still, she was game, and nodded to Jahrae.

“Jamila, would you mind if I played a song or two for the audience?” llhaesa asked her host.

“Of course I do not mind; in fact, I am certain we all will relish your performance!”

“I can probably muster enough strength to play through two songs, and at that point, will stop and count my good fortune.”

“Whatever you wish to do, llhaesa, it is your call!”

Jamila skipped an introduction, and watched as llhaesa made her way toward the grand piano. There would be no lively gyrations and such today, just straightforward playing, right from llhaesa’s soul.

Llhaesa virtually dropped onto the piano bench, her focus shifting, her mind melding with the keyboard that lay in front of her. Blocking out so much – pain, lights, ambient noise, even her fervent wish for alone time with Jahrae – her hands reached out to the keyboard, and after a deep and relaxing breath, began to play.

Starting slowly, llhaesa set the mood with, and lost her thoughts in, intricate piano play, and approximately three minutes in, she began to sing. Her voice climbed to highs, it sank to lows, it stretched out and extended notes, and it was only when she was near finished the song did she realise she sang in Arrhazonan.

Quickly recovering from her unintended and automatic choice, llhaesa extended the song and played through another verse, this time reprising the first in English. As she ended, the audience enthusiastically applauded, for the actual performance and not the behind the scenes significance.

The next song proved shorter but livelier, with a raucous rock beat, while llhaesa made use of the raw blues voice of the initial song for Jahrae. This was Jahrae’s favourite way for her to sing, as it represented llhaesa’s voice in its most natural and powerful state.

Llhaesa stayed true to her word and quit after two songs, and made her way back to the group of guests. “Jamila, I am sorry to leave so quickly, but I need rest and time with my family, not to mention further medical intervention.

Jahrae, Ronnie,” llhaesa asked, already knowing the answer, “I trust your ride waits? Shall we make for our temporary home?”

“Why, of course, ‘essa, we shall take our leave, though I believe it proper to ask if we may assist others here. President Ellenwood, Barbara, and Marcia, can we give you a lift back to Washington? It is only ten minutes out of our way.”

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♣ raison d’être


Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

nelle

♣ say that again?

Aalon:

A.ah.lawn



Aailhra:

A.yul.har.rah



Arrhazon:

Are.ha zawn



Brellian:

Brr.L.lee.an



Chsensera:

Cheh.sen.sear.rah



Cshrehyi:

Sess.ray.hee



Djellrin:

Dee.jell.er.in



E'sphara:

E.ss.far.ruh



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



Hrilleae:

Ha.rill.ee.ay



I'Isahra M'lensa:

I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



Jesnsera Sserhara:

Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



Elsrensia K’avahra:

L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



Khaehala:

Kay.ha.la



Khahishra:

Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



Kyielra:

Ka.E.I'll.ra



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

lie yay sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



M'sela J'serhn:

Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



M'traliel Zralensa:

M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



Mrevan:

Mm.ruh.van



Njesera:

En.djuh.say.rah



N'rellia:

N.rell.lee.ah



Olterian:

Oh.L.tear.E.an



Saehressa:

Sigh.ah.ress.ah



Serada:

Sir.rah.da



Sjre Jlrasre:

S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



Sk'vra Kjurha:

Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



Vreloran:

Vreh.lore.an



Zreltian:

Zzer.L.she.an



♣ people and places

  • 51 Pegasi
  • Aailhra
  • Aalon
  • Addison
  • AGA
  • Alicia Ellenwood
  • Anita
  • arlkhala
  • Arrhazon
  • Arrhazon College
  • Arrhka
  • Arrkarhara
  • Barbara Millwood
  • Bill Green
  • Boston
  • Brellian
  • Casey
  • Chsensera
  • city north
  • Cshrehyi
  • David
  • Djellrin
  • Dolores
  • Dottie Salston
  • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
  • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
  • Dr. Wrehsx
  • E'sphara
  • Empo
  • Ensign Sserhara
  • Gl'nsiel
  • Henry Smithson
  • Hrilleae
  • I’Isahra M’lensa
  • J'saera
  • Jahrae
  • Jamila Karenga
  • J’luhre Forest Preserve
  • Jesnsera
  • Jredvarha City
  • Keene
  • Khaehala
  • Khahishra
  • Kukaeshra
  • Kyielra
  • Lajxa R’chr
  • llhaesa
  • Lzrehae
  • M'sela J'serhn
  • M'traliel
  • Marcia Paang
  • Mark Cahill
  • Mrevan
  • N'rellia
  • N'rellia Naturally
  • Nenseru Woods
  • Njesera
  • North 41
  • Old City
  • Olterian
  • reiki
  • Ronnie
  • Saehressa
  • Sara Beth
  • SEQ
  • Serada
  • Sjre Jlrasre
  • Sk'vra
  • southeast quadrant
  • Susan Woodward
  • Sylvia Washington
  • Tim
  • V'aesza
  • Vicki
  • Vreloran
  • Y'sre School of Music
  • Zreltian

♣ who’s who

Aalon:

Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



Aailhra:

Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



Addison:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



Arrhazon:

llhaesa & Jahrae home world



Brellian:

Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



Chsensera:

Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

llhaesa’s brother



Djellrin Khentavra:

Jahrae’s dad



E'sphara:

Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Chief of Government after Brellian



Hrilleae Khentavra:

Jahrae’s mum



Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

Commander of Equality



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



Jesnsera Sserhara:

hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



Elsrensia K’avahra:

Physician and revolutionary



Khaehala:

Chsensera’s mum



Khahishra:

llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



Kyielra:

victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

musician and leader of two worlds



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Government employee and discoverer of important documents



M'sela J'serhn:

llhaesa’s college advisor



M'traliel Zralensa:

friend of llhaesa, and first lover



Mrevan:

llhaesa’s dad



Njesera:

Head of government records department



N'rellia:

Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



Olterian:

Concert promoter



Saehressa:

llhaesa’s mum



Serada:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



Sjre Jlrasre:

Café owner



Sk'vra Kjurha:

llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



Vreloran:

government technician who helps llhaesa



Zreltian:

Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



♣ historical tales

  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008

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♣ CC License

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa t'yaeli



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

♣ CC Licence II

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

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