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worlds undone

worlds undone

Category Archives: Dolores

CCXIX – visionary friend

06 Saturday Dec 2008

Posted by nelle in Barbara Millwood, Dolores, llhaesa, Ronnie, Susan Woodward

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blog fiction, blog novels, blog stories, blog-books, creative writing, e books, e novels, eBooks, feminism, feminist, feminist fiction, feminist literature, feminist stories, feminist writing, fiction, lesbian, lesbian books, lesbian fiction, lesbian literature, lesbian stories, lesbian writing, lesbian-novels, literature, online books, online novels, original fiction, story telling, writing

Susan arrived on board the Naval Academy yacht on the same day of llhaesa and her family’s arrival.

Barbara felt Susan’s presence might help the Salstons with the government perspective, help as a friend offering moral support and spiritual assistance if needed, as well as ponder and assess their vulnerability from an intelligence analyst’s point of view.

None of the Salston party was on deck when Susan and Barbara arrived, so when they made their way down into the yacht, llhaesa and Ronnie were stunned to see their friend. Llhaesa wrapped her arms around Susan, technically meeting Susan for the first time – though she carried Tim’s memories.

For her part, Susan looked upon llhaesa in disbelief, although Barbara had well versed Susan on the story. “Look at you!” Susan called out, her eyes visibly assessing llhaesa from head to toe. “Small wonder the gender issues you spoke of tormented you. At least you arrived at a successful resolution; too many are left with no hope.”

Llhaesa smiled and nodded knowingly, understanding a time would come when she would be quite outspoken on rights, from women’s rights to the rights of lgbt people, most certainly including transgender rights. “There is a connection and a disconnection between Tim and I that is hard to explain. I can both feel and visualise the torment as if an observer, even though I lived the experience. Tim was one tormented soul, and well… in a couple of words, that bites.

I will talk on that element at another time, but will just add that this world needs to change how it views the lgbt community. Please excuse my going off on an activist micro-rant prior to extending a proper verbal greeting, hello Susan! What a wonderful surprise to have you with us!”

Turning to Barbara, llhaesa asked, “Barbara, you obviously knew of Susan’s friendship with us, though I am not certain how. Moreover, you have brought her aboard for some reason that I would guess both Ronnie and I are most anxious to hear.” Llhaesa looked to Ronnie as she asked the question, and watched as Ronnie signalled her agreement with a head nod.

Barbara chuckled, knowing this unexpected visit required explanation. “You had no way of knowing this, nor did Susan have any reason to share the connection before, but… Susan and I grew up together. We also happened to grow up as best friends with Alicia Underwood.”

Ronnie looked at Barbara, then looked at Susan, saw the playfulness in their eyes, and she grasped the depth of the connection. “I see. You three grow up together, Barbara you become AG for Alicia, and that means Susan has another revelation coming, if I am not mistaken, though I am of uncertain mind as to what this revelation will be.”

“That is quite an astute observation, Ronnie!” Susan complimented her friend. “In fact, I was a CIA analyst for 18 years, and retired four years ago. Barbara also worked for the Agency after leaving the Navy, and she felt the combination of our friendship and my inner connections with the Agency might help us keep your family and friend safe.”

“An analyst,” Ronnie mused, the fingers of her right hand moving to her lips as she pondered this, as was her frequent habit. “So you weren’t running around in sports cars, parachuting off of tall buildings, getting the girl – oh, wait…that is rather presumptuous, I have been hanging around llhaesa too long!” Ronnie winked as she rendered the last comment, intended as a playful tease of llhaesa.

“No, no fun activity, Ronnie.” Susan began her explanation. “I scoured all manner of sources for information. Sometimes there was interesting reading, sometimes it was boring as all hell, and I felt a pull to a different place in life.

I left the Agency on good terms – most people there do and did good work, and the connections I have might serve to help us at some point along the way, though we have to be careful.

Anyway, enough about my past, lets talk about you and llhaesa and how you are coping. Ronnie, how are you doing? This must have come as a supreme shock – yet I sense you are in a very good place mentally right now. I would love to hear how this evolved!”

“Susan, you do not waste any time getting to a point, and I can see why you were an analyst!” In their short history of friendship, Susan surprised them virtually every time they got together. “The best answer I can give is for you to spend some time chatting with llhaesa. When you do, you will see why it is I am ‘in a very good place mentally.

In fact, come along, you need to find a cabin for your stay. We can talk along the way.”

In reality, the cabins were not that far distant, and they quickly covered the distance, with Susan selecting one of the available cabins on the right side of the yacht. Entering the cabin, Susan again inquired about llhaesa.

“Ronnie, I assume you know I saw something in Tim – something deep, something hidden, something that would likely surface. Well, now I see part of this, now… tell me more!”

Ronnie wished to giggle, but held back and instead offered serious outlook. “The first few days, I was devastated, almost as if I were in shock. Then llhaesa and I had several opportunities to chat, for her to interact with the children, with my mom, with Dolores, with Barbara.

There is no secret here, Susan, because I have told llhaesa this: if llhaesa were not married, I would seriously consider a relationship with her – the attraction to her overall being is powerful. In fact, I for the first time in my life, I would not preclude having a relationship with women, because this whole thing has forced me to rethink my life and outlook.

She is special, Susan – everything that Tim hinted at, or that we sensed Tim hinted at – is llhaesa, it was llhaesa all that time. I will leave it there, and will let you form your own opinion.”

Ronnie, you do know you are a wonderful human being. You have found yourself through this every bit as much as llhaesa has, and well, I find that reason to celebrate! While we chose to forego alcohol when we got together after my release from the hospital, I do believe it is time for Susan Woodward’s District-famous margaritas!”

An hour later, Susan, Ronnie, llhaesa, and Dolores sat on the deck, happily sipping on margaritas – the second round of margaritas, actually.

“Llhaesa, rumour has it you can sing. Will I get to hear your voice any time soon?” Llhaesa climbed out of her cross-legged sitting position on the deck, offering a quick ‘excuse me, I will be right back,” without answering Susan’s question. Less than a minute later, she returned, lugging the keyboard Barbara brought on board the yacht.

“I hope no one minds, but I am in the mood to play, and Susan reminded me. A bit of warning: on Arrhazon, I practised playing six to eight hours a day, and I am woefully out of practise right now. Music calls to me, a keyboard calls to me. When I grow restless, music will satiate my soul.”

Llhaesa ran an extension cord and plugged in, set up the supporting stand, went back for an amplifier and a chair, then settled in to play, foregoing singing for the first twenty minutes. Thereafter she moved into vocals, and let her mood dictate what she played.

For llhaesa, songs were re-entering her mind for the first time in a decade and a half, and she could feel tension leave her body, could sense her body still regenerating, rebuilding its strength and her mental acuity – an element she had not thought on, that she would be rusty as llhaesa.

Susan watched and smiled, satisfied the question on llhaesa’s music no answered without a direct reply. Ronnie was right in her description of llhaesa, was as she sensed Tim in their second meeting.

After llhaesa finished playing, Susan asked if she might chat with llhaesa for a few minutes.

“Llhaesa, Barbara indicated your world is slightly ahead of this one in many ways. I used to work as an analyst on science issues, and wonder if you might share – in general terms, I understand people are trying to pry details out of you, and I could care less about that. I am looking for an overview of a few differences; that should give me enough to work with.”

Llhaesa trusted Susan, aware of how this wonderful woman could have hated Tim with good cause, and instead welcomed him into her home. “Medical care is a good starting point, Susan. We are ahead by decades, perhaps a century. We now engage interstellar space travel – as evidenced by my presence here; here, we barely touched our moon. Moreover, our energy is not fossil fuel based.

In my opinion, the most significant difference is that we are united and free of war.”


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♣ raison d’être


Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

nelle

♣ say that again?

Aalon:

A.ah.lawn



Aailhra:

A.yul.har.rah



Arrhazon:

Are.ha zawn



Brellian:

Brr.L.lee.an



Chsensera:

Cheh.sen.sear.rah



Cshrehyi:

Sess.ray.hee



Djellrin:

Dee.jell.er.in



E'sphara:

E.ss.far.ruh



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



Hrilleae:

Ha.rill.ee.ay



I'Isahra M'lensa:

I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



Jesnsera Sserhara:

Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



Elsrensia K’avahra:

L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



Khaehala:

Kay.ha.la



Khahishra:

Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



Kyielra:

Ka.E.I'll.ra



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

lie yay sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



M'sela J'serhn:

Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



M'traliel Zralensa:

M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



Mrevan:

Mm.ruh.van



Njesera:

En.djuh.say.rah



N'rellia:

N.rell.lee.ah



Olterian:

Oh.L.tear.E.an



Saehressa:

Sigh.ah.ress.ah



Serada:

Sir.rah.da



Sjre Jlrasre:

S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



Sk'vra Kjurha:

Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



Vreloran:

Vreh.lore.an



Zreltian:

Zzer.L.she.an



♣ people and places

  • 51 Pegasi
  • Aailhra
  • Aalon
  • Addison
  • AGA
  • Alicia Ellenwood
  • Anita
  • arlkhala
  • Arrhazon
  • Arrhazon College
  • Arrhka
  • Arrkarhara
  • Barbara Millwood
  • Bill Green
  • Boston
  • Brellian
  • Casey
  • Chsensera
  • city north
  • Cshrehyi
  • David
  • Djellrin
  • Dolores
  • Dottie Salston
  • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
  • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
  • Dr. Wrehsx
  • E'sphara
  • Empo
  • Ensign Sserhara
  • Gl'nsiel
  • Henry Smithson
  • Hrilleae
  • I’Isahra M’lensa
  • J'saera
  • Jahrae
  • Jamila Karenga
  • J’luhre Forest Preserve
  • Jesnsera
  • Jredvarha City
  • Keene
  • Khaehala
  • Khahishra
  • Kukaeshra
  • Kyielra
  • Lajxa R’chr
  • llhaesa
  • Lzrehae
  • M'sela J'serhn
  • M'traliel
  • Marcia Paang
  • Mark Cahill
  • Mrevan
  • N'rellia
  • N'rellia Naturally
  • Nenseru Woods
  • Njesera
  • North 41
  • Old City
  • Olterian
  • reiki
  • Ronnie
  • Saehressa
  • Sara Beth
  • SEQ
  • Serada
  • Sjre Jlrasre
  • Sk'vra
  • southeast quadrant
  • Susan Woodward
  • Sylvia Washington
  • Tim
  • V'aesza
  • Vicki
  • Vreloran
  • Y'sre School of Music
  • Zreltian

♣ who’s who

Aalon:

Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



Aailhra:

Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



Addison:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



Arrhazon:

llhaesa & Jahrae home world



Brellian:

Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



Chsensera:

Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

llhaesa’s brother



Djellrin Khentavra:

Jahrae’s dad



E'sphara:

Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Chief of Government after Brellian



Hrilleae Khentavra:

Jahrae’s mum



Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

Commander of Equality



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



Jesnsera Sserhara:

hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



Elsrensia K’avahra:

Physician and revolutionary



Khaehala:

Chsensera’s mum



Khahishra:

llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



Kyielra:

victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

musician and leader of two worlds



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Government employee and discoverer of important documents



M'sela J'serhn:

llhaesa’s college advisor



M'traliel Zralensa:

friend of llhaesa, and first lover



Mrevan:

llhaesa’s dad



Njesera:

Head of government records department



N'rellia:

Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



Olterian:

Concert promoter



Saehressa:

llhaesa’s mum



Serada:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



Sjre Jlrasre:

Café owner



Sk'vra Kjurha:

llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



Vreloran:

government technician who helps llhaesa



Zreltian:

Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



♣ historical tales

  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008

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♣ CC License

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa t'yaeli



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

♣ CC Licence II

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

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