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worlds undone

worlds undone

Category Archives: Empo

CXLVIII – parental displays

12 Sunday Oct 2008

Posted by nelle in Arrhka, Djellrin, Empo, Hrilleae, Jahrae, llhaesa, Mrevan, Saehressa

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The 17 Arrhazon Society of Thespians and Musicians awards won by llhaesa led to her image gracing the front page of no less than eight weekly publications. She was now a hot news commodity.

The pictures varied from a singular shot of llhaesa holding one award, her toothy smile never more evident, to her standing by the quickly improvised table set up as a temporary place to hold the 17 awards that came llhaesa’s way during the programme – with llhaesa looking on just a tad unbelieving.

Publishers quickly sent llhaesa a very tasteful framed paper print of their particular front page, something carrying no small cost in the age of an electronic publishing society, where the only reason paper was manufactured – and then only in small quantities –was for ceremonial or celebratory purposes.

Jahrae hung the award pictures on one wall of llhaesa’s music studio, her judgment lost in the great pride she felt in her partner’s accomplishments. Llhaesa promptly took them all down, remarking “I know you are proud of me, Jahrae, and believe me, I appreciate your love and support, but I’m not about to live in a shrine to myself, or live my life with some misplaced and misguided sense of self-importance.”

While she ought to be upset at what seemed at first to be a mild rebuke, she knew llhaesa was not rebuking her, rather rebuking some notion she was better than others were. Llhaesa hated such thinking right to the core of her being, and her egalitarian outlook – at least in Jahrae’s eyes – was one of her most beautiful traits.

Still, Jahrae felt badly stuffing the award pictures in some hidden away place, and so she devised a plan: she would give four to llhaesa’s parents, and four to her own parents. Llhaesa would be annoyed, but Jahrae knew their parents would tenaciously guard and defend their right to hang the pictures. In time, llhaesa would accept this in the same way a child came to accept their parents showing others their more candid baby pictures – with an eye roll, and then moving on. The ‘baby picture’ analogy triggered a slight giggle in Jahrae, her thoughts flashing back to the Hrensa concert a few months before.

Jahrae had no intent to be deceitful; she would not surreptitiously send the pictures to their parents. No, she would simply invite them over, and then raise the matter as an idea. Once their parents latched on to this idea, which she assumed they would with the ferocity of some forest creature protecting her cub, llhaesa would have little choice but to accede to the plan.

While modesty and such was important to llhaesa, the rest of her family had a right to celebrate the accomplishments of someone they so dearly loved.

Three days later, Djellrin and Hrilleae joined Saehressa and Mrevan for an afternoon at Jahrae’s and llhaesa’s flat. Basking in the brilliant and warming rays of Arrhka on their rooftop patio, Jahrae squelched the butterflies in her stomach and casually raised the issue.

“I’m certain you’ve all seen the front pages of various weekly media – the ones with llhaesa’s smiling or somewhat bewildered face. Over the last several days, each publisher sent a framed copy of their front page, and without showing them to you in the moment, trust me when I say they are quite elegantly and tastefully prepared.

Llhaesa is uncomfortable with them hanging in our home – we’ve come to expect this of our llhaesa, right?” Jahrae paused, looking around at each parent, who nodded affirmatively, then continued.

It seems a huge waste to stuff them in a closet somewhere, when some of us do find pride in her accomplishments. A thought occurred to me – instead of shoving them in a closet, why not give some to each of our parents?” This time, llhaesa spoke up.

“I doubt our parents wish to display this stuff in their homes, Jahrae. Please… I am proud of the 17 awards. Does that mean I must endure my own image staring back at me? I am hardly narcissistic!”

“You are the antithesis of narcissistic!” Mrevan spoke up, his hands assisting with and accenting his comments. “That in turn does not mean your parents have ceded the right to display our love and affection for you when an opportunity presents itself. This is a time-honoured parental thing, llhaesa. Perhaps one day both of you will know the joy to be found in this, but for now, humour us!”

The other three parents displayed their own enthusiastic support for Mrevan’s comments through animated movements and commenting almost in unison. For her part, llhaesa sensed it was hopeless to pursue the matter, and meekly succumbed with a very quiet “all right,” while simultaneously pulling her face into a pout. It was the first time Jahrae ever saw her wife display anything resembling a pout.

“Llhaesa,” Saehressa spoke now, offering her motherly perspective. “It isn’t that we are trying to make you larger than life – that is impossible. We know you on a human scale. Goddess of Arrhazon, I carried you within me, felt you stir, and could sense your great desire and anticipation to get on with life.

I knew from the first you would meld humility with a sense of social purpose, as well as with your great love of music and drive to succeed. When we display these pictures, they are not our attempt to say ‘look world, our daughter is great,’ it is our attempt to say, ‘look world, we love our daughter. We love her for millions of reasons that are impossible to display anywhere but in our hearts and minds.”

No one spoke for a moment, digesting all that Saehressa placed on the table for consideration. Finally, llhaesa rose from her seat and crossed over to her mum, giving her a huge hug. “Thanks mum. You always have a way of seeing the way through something. That makes a boatload of sense, and I thank you for easing my concerns.”

“Now speaking of boats… Jahrae and I purchased one.” Llhaesa said this wearing a Cheshire cat grin, in part for the purchase, in part for successfully changing the subject.

“Boat?” Hrilleae interjected. This was her element, her forte. Djellrin ran a close second, but in years past, Hrilleae was best sailor in their extended family by acclamation. Both parents shared their knowledge with Jahrae, and she learned well. If the subject came up, Hrilleae would call Jahrae the better sailor. They taught her well.

“Two weeks before the awards, as you know we took a bit of vacation time. Initially we planned on a three-day weekend, but our plan went awry,” llhaesa paused there, with Jahrae stepping in to continue the story.

“On the second day, llhaesa spent time swimming with an empohnim, one she quickly named ‘Empo.’ Moment by moment, I could see llhaesa coming alive with an experience she never anticipated. This was after watching her fall head over heels in love with slicing through the water powered by nothing but the wind, unhindered by artificial noise.

Once we were back in the boat, llhaesa broached a proposal: return to the harbour, return the boat, buy our very own, and then set sail, while resetting the three-day vacation clock.

I counter-proposed, successfully negotiating for a full week of new time at sea.” Jahrae finished, her own smile growing wide at the memory.

“Aren’t empohnims a world of fun?” Hrilleae asked llhaesa, her eyes aglow with her own memories. “I’ve spent many a time in the water with them, they are adorable, friendly, and graceful creatures – and fierce protectors if they sense a threat to you by other sea creatures.”

“Tell us about your boat!” Mrevan threw a question into the discussion before adding, “Do you have imagery of the boat?”

“Yes we do, dad” llhaesa offered, I’ll be right back.” Llhaesa disappeared for a few short minutes, then returned with a digital photo device.

“Ooh, a real beauty! Mrevan exclaimed, a quick and muted whistle following his comment. The album made the rounds of the room, and Djellrin confessed he was “absolutely smitten with your new boat!”

Saehressa asked after the name of the boat, with Jahrae providing the answer. She wished to add another tangent to the discussion, and offered up what was on her mind.

“Llhaesa and I have discussed this, and please know the boat is available for any and all of us to use. All we ask is that any plans made in advance be shared, that way we all can co-ordinate when it is in use or available for use.”

Llhaesa spoke up, suggesting they spend a weekend on the boat together. It would easily accommodate the six of them. The six made and affirmed plans for the second following weekend, where they would introduce Saehressa and Mrevan to the joys of Bay life.

Mrevan was skittish; Saehressa found it ‘an exciting idea!” Llhaesa could not wait to get her parents aboard, where she would spend extra effort to help her dad enjoy the experience.

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♣ raison d’être


Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

nelle

♣ say that again?

Aalon:

A.ah.lawn



Aailhra:

A.yul.har.rah



Arrhazon:

Are.ha zawn



Brellian:

Brr.L.lee.an



Chsensera:

Cheh.sen.sear.rah



Cshrehyi:

Sess.ray.hee



Djellrin:

Dee.jell.er.in



E'sphara:

E.ss.far.ruh



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



Hrilleae:

Ha.rill.ee.ay



I'Isahra M'lensa:

I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



Jesnsera Sserhara:

Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



Elsrensia K’avahra:

L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



Khaehala:

Kay.ha.la



Khahishra:

Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



Kyielra:

Ka.E.I'll.ra



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

lie yay sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



M'sela J'serhn:

Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



M'traliel Zralensa:

M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



Mrevan:

Mm.ruh.van



Njesera:

En.djuh.say.rah



N'rellia:

N.rell.lee.ah



Olterian:

Oh.L.tear.E.an



Saehressa:

Sigh.ah.ress.ah



Serada:

Sir.rah.da



Sjre Jlrasre:

S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



Sk'vra Kjurha:

Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



Vreloran:

Vreh.lore.an



Zreltian:

Zzer.L.she.an



♣ people and places

  • 51 Pegasi
  • Aailhra
  • Aalon
  • Addison
  • AGA
  • Alicia Ellenwood
  • Anita
  • arlkhala
  • Arrhazon
  • Arrhazon College
  • Arrhka
  • Arrkarhara
  • Barbara Millwood
  • Bill Green
  • Boston
  • Brellian
  • Casey
  • Chsensera
  • city north
  • Cshrehyi
  • David
  • Djellrin
  • Dolores
  • Dottie Salston
  • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
  • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
  • Dr. Wrehsx
  • E'sphara
  • Empo
  • Ensign Sserhara
  • Gl'nsiel
  • Henry Smithson
  • Hrilleae
  • I’Isahra M’lensa
  • J'saera
  • Jahrae
  • Jamila Karenga
  • J’luhre Forest Preserve
  • Jesnsera
  • Jredvarha City
  • Keene
  • Khaehala
  • Khahishra
  • Kukaeshra
  • Kyielra
  • Lajxa R’chr
  • llhaesa
  • Lzrehae
  • M'sela J'serhn
  • M'traliel
  • Marcia Paang
  • Mark Cahill
  • Mrevan
  • N'rellia
  • N'rellia Naturally
  • Nenseru Woods
  • Njesera
  • North 41
  • Old City
  • Olterian
  • reiki
  • Ronnie
  • Saehressa
  • Sara Beth
  • SEQ
  • Serada
  • Sjre Jlrasre
  • Sk'vra
  • southeast quadrant
  • Susan Woodward
  • Sylvia Washington
  • Tim
  • V'aesza
  • Vicki
  • Vreloran
  • Y'sre School of Music
  • Zreltian

♣ who’s who

Aalon:

Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



Aailhra:

Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



Addison:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



Arrhazon:

llhaesa & Jahrae home world



Brellian:

Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



Chsensera:

Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

llhaesa’s brother



Djellrin Khentavra:

Jahrae’s dad



E'sphara:

Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Chief of Government after Brellian



Hrilleae Khentavra:

Jahrae’s mum



Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

Commander of Equality



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



Jesnsera Sserhara:

hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



Elsrensia K’avahra:

Physician and revolutionary



Khaehala:

Chsensera’s mum



Khahishra:

llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



Kyielra:

victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

musician and leader of two worlds



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Government employee and discoverer of important documents



M'sela J'serhn:

llhaesa’s college advisor



M'traliel Zralensa:

friend of llhaesa, and first lover



Mrevan:

llhaesa’s dad



Njesera:

Head of government records department



N'rellia:

Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



Olterian:

Concert promoter



Saehressa:

llhaesa’s mum



Serada:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



Sjre Jlrasre:

Café owner



Sk'vra Kjurha:

llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



Vreloran:

government technician who helps llhaesa



Zreltian:

Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



♣ historical tales

  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008

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♣ CC License

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa t'yaeli



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

♣ CC Licence II

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

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