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worlds undone

worlds undone

Category Archives: V’aesza

CXXVI – hold her back

24 Wednesday Sep 2008

Posted by nelle in llhaesa, North 41, Saehressa, V'aesza

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blog novels, blog stories, blog-books, creative writing, e books, e novels, eBooks, feminism, feminist, feminist fiction, feminist literature, fiction, lesbian, lesbian fiction, lesbian literature, lesbian-novels, literature, online books, online novels, writing

Each morning without fail, young llhaesa would jump out of her parent’s transport and run into the kindergarten portion of the North 41 school building, leaving her mum behind to plod along at what to llhaesa was her mum’s snail-like adult pace. Even on her very first day, llhaesa had done such, and continued right on through every day thereafter.

On her first day, the exuberant child bound from the vehicle, stopped only long enough to ascertain no other transports moved in the area, and then headed for the building she had only been in for registration.

No wallflower or introvert was llhaesa, and no educator would use the word ‘passive’ in a sentence describing her. Saehressa, who was nowhere near as outgoing as llhaesa yet no wallflower, marvelled at the sheer energy and exuberant personality of her young child.

“She has no fear, this one!” Ms V’aesza, new to the school in the new academic year, remarked to Saehressa upon her finally making it through the doors of the classroom, where llhaesa busily assembled various toys and chairs into some sort of play home. In the middle of the play-home lay a miniature toy grand piano, about a third of a metre in size.

Llhaesa moved the piano askew, arranging it aesthetically within the play-home. “I can play a real one.” she quietly and casually remarked to another child.

“Really?” the young child responded, not certain he knew what the curious contraption would do – or what you would do with it.

The class contained an old upright piano, the gift of a family that moved from the area and could not take it with them. Ms V’aesza excused herself for a moment, walking over to llhaesa and crouching down to llhaesa’s eye level. “Llhaesa, would you care to play our piano?” she asked her new student.

Llhaesa looked around the room and failed to see a piano. Saehressa spoke up. “Llhaesa, it is a different kind of piano from what we have at home. This one stands upright. It is right over against that wall.” Saehressa finished by pointing in the general direction of the correct wall.

“Can I play, mum?” Pl-l-l-l-ease?” Llhaesa unnecessarily but excitedly teased.

“Of course you may, llhaesa. Ms V’aesza asked you if you wished to play, though you should first ask when she would like you to play.” Saehressa answered, drawing upon how manners and respect were important in the T’yaeli household.

“You may play now if you wish llhaesa.” Ms V’aesza consented.

“Thank you!” As with her entrance into the class, llhaesa was off to the piano at full speed, climbing up on the piano bench and lifting the cover. Now over a year into lessons, she was quite at home with what lie in front of her.

She began to play.

The other kids stopped what they were doing and watched their peer playing the whatever-that-thing-is-called-again. Slowly they gravitated towards llhaesa at the piano, staring in awe at what unfolded.

Saehressa looked at Ms V’aesza and had to stifle a strong urge to laugh. The instructor was as in awe of llhaesa’s play as her young students were. Figuring it might be best to explain, Saehressa offered, “I have played for most of my life, and I’ve both played and sang to llhaesa virtually every day since I first knew of my pregnancy.

She was enthralled with music from the first, and as you can see, it just came naturally to her.”

“Saehressa! That child is Gifted, with a capital G. Have you sought out tutoring or a school for children gifted in music?”

“V’aesza – may I call you by your given name?” Saehressa inquired before answering. Receiving an enthusiastic affirmation, she continued. “I teach music in this school part time. We are discussing what is best for her going forward; there is some… disagreement between my husband and me. He wishes her to attend a school that specialises in students gifted musically, such as Y’sre School of Music right down the road. I prefer she attend this school. Stay tuned!” Saehressa ended with a wink and a smirk.

At that point, another parent returned with supplies for her two young twins. She had forgotten the things in her rush to leave home for school. Her two children watched happily as llhaesa played, seemingly having fun listening to the music llhaesa created.

Saehressa saw the woman look over toward the piano, taking in how a child of the same age as her twins played melodically and naturally. The woman’s expression reformed into one of disapproval. Saehressa rightly sensed trouble was nigh.

Moving pre-emptively, she walked over to llhaesa, calling out ahead “OK llhaesa, time to let others have a turn if they wish.”

Llhaesa dutifully stopped playing and conceded the bench to another child, helping the struggling small child to climb onto the bench.

The disapproving woman spoke up to Saehressa and V’aesza. “You should not let that child play the piano. She is obviously a show off who wishes to make others think she is better than they are, and that will hurt the feelings of the other kids, probably make them reluctant to try to play!” As she spoke, her voice grew louder and angrier, but she paused for air, giving Saehressa time to interject a comment.

“I’m sorry if you feel your children are harmed by another child’s skills and achievements, Ms… pardon, I did not catch your name before. I am Saehressa T’yaeli, and llhaesa is my daughter.

You will find llhaesa is very respectful of other children as well as of adults, and she well knows other children will be better than she will be at other tasks. Our children have different strengths and weaknesses. We cannot hide from this, or pretend they do not exist. Diversity is the most precious of Arrhazonan attributes, and we should welcome that our children are different, that they will be free to achieve where they are best skilled and naturally inclined.” For her part, Saehressa was beginning to feel a little warm. She silently called upon Aailhra to guide her through this conversation.

“I suppose you are one of those equalists who believe women can do everything a man can do! I never!” the Angry Woman retorted, quite inclined to flash her anger to the other adults, prompting V’aesza to silently ponder how her students were better behaved than this woman talking with her and Saehressa. “It will be a long year,” she silently sighed.

Angry Woman attempted to continue, but stopped in her tracks as Saehressa swung her shoulder-strapped bag with a pin on the strap, one for a new organisation called Equal Rights, Equal Genders. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. You don’t feel equal?” Saehressa began to ask rhetorically, pausing and then continuing at the continued name-trap. “Ms… I am sorry once again, but I don’t recall your sharing your name.

Your outlook on equality helps explain why you think llhaesa harms other children by demonstrating her particular skill.

All children are equal, Ms… Anonymous. It matters not if they are my children, your children, or the children of any other parent. In addition, as an educator, it is vital I know every child’s strengths and weaknesses; what pushes their buttons; and what does not.

More than anything, children need love and encouragement. I doubt anyone would believe ‘encourage’ means holding back from giving your very best. Would you not agree? Or do you believe students should pretend not to be smart in class?”

Saehressa barely began the last sentence as Angry Woman stormed off for the exit. Standing their stunned and smirking at each other, Saehressa and V’aesza had just broken ice on a new friendship, one forged by an unwitting woman creating unnecessary drama on the very first day of school.

♣ raison d’être


Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

nelle

♣ say that again?

Aalon:

A.ah.lawn



Aailhra:

A.yul.har.rah



Arrhazon:

Are.ha zawn



Brellian:

Brr.L.lee.an



Chsensera:

Cheh.sen.sear.rah



Cshrehyi:

Sess.ray.hee



Djellrin:

Dee.jell.er.in



E'sphara:

E.ss.far.ruh



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



Hrilleae:

Ha.rill.ee.ay



I'Isahra M'lensa:

I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



Jesnsera Sserhara:

Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



Elsrensia K’avahra:

L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



Khaehala:

Kay.ha.la



Khahishra:

Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



Kyielra:

Ka.E.I'll.ra



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

lie yay sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



M'sela J'serhn:

Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



M'traliel Zralensa:

M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



Mrevan:

Mm.ruh.van



Njesera:

En.djuh.say.rah



N'rellia:

N.rell.lee.ah



Olterian:

Oh.L.tear.E.an



Saehressa:

Sigh.ah.ress.ah



Serada:

Sir.rah.da



Sjre Jlrasre:

S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



Sk'vra Kjurha:

Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



Vreloran:

Vreh.lore.an



Zreltian:

Zzer.L.she.an



♣ people and places

  • 51 Pegasi
  • Aailhra
  • Aalon
  • Addison
  • AGA
  • Alicia Ellenwood
  • Anita
  • arlkhala
  • Arrhazon
  • Arrhazon College
  • Arrhka
  • Arrkarhara
  • Barbara Millwood
  • Bill Green
  • Boston
  • Brellian
  • Casey
  • Chsensera
  • city north
  • Cshrehyi
  • David
  • Djellrin
  • Dolores
  • Dottie Salston
  • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
  • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
  • Dr. Wrehsx
  • E'sphara
  • Empo
  • Ensign Sserhara
  • Gl'nsiel
  • Henry Smithson
  • Hrilleae
  • I’Isahra M’lensa
  • J'saera
  • Jahrae
  • Jamila Karenga
  • J’luhre Forest Preserve
  • Jesnsera
  • Jredvarha City
  • Keene
  • Khaehala
  • Khahishra
  • Kukaeshra
  • Kyielra
  • Lajxa R’chr
  • llhaesa
  • Lzrehae
  • M'sela J'serhn
  • M'traliel
  • Marcia Paang
  • Mark Cahill
  • Mrevan
  • N'rellia
  • N'rellia Naturally
  • Nenseru Woods
  • Njesera
  • North 41
  • Old City
  • Olterian
  • reiki
  • Ronnie
  • Saehressa
  • Sara Beth
  • SEQ
  • Serada
  • Sjre Jlrasre
  • Sk'vra
  • southeast quadrant
  • Susan Woodward
  • Sylvia Washington
  • Tim
  • V'aesza
  • Vicki
  • Vreloran
  • Y'sre School of Music
  • Zreltian

♣ who’s who

Aalon:

Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



Aailhra:

Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



Addison:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



Arrhazon:

llhaesa & Jahrae home world



Brellian:

Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



Chsensera:

Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

llhaesa’s brother



Djellrin Khentavra:

Jahrae’s dad



E'sphara:

Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Chief of Government after Brellian



Hrilleae Khentavra:

Jahrae’s mum



Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

Commander of Equality



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



Jesnsera Sserhara:

hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



Elsrensia K’avahra:

Physician and revolutionary



Khaehala:

Chsensera’s mum



Khahishra:

llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



Kyielra:

victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

musician and leader of two worlds



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Government employee and discoverer of important documents



M'sela J'serhn:

llhaesa’s college advisor



M'traliel Zralensa:

friend of llhaesa, and first lover



Mrevan:

llhaesa’s dad



Njesera:

Head of government records department



N'rellia:

Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



Olterian:

Concert promoter



Saehressa:

llhaesa’s mum



Serada:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



Sjre Jlrasre:

Café owner



Sk'vra Kjurha:

llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



Vreloran:

government technician who helps llhaesa



Zreltian:

Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



♣ historical tales

  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008

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♣ CC License

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa t'yaeli



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

♣ CC Licence II

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

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