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chapters – book one

I – Prologue

II – on the inside look out

III – post education subversion

IV – the eyes of a child

V – you get what you need

VI – I hear the music

VII – stand tall

VIII – desensitisation

IX – trouble ahead, trouble behind

X – middle of the road

XI – coming of an age

XII – I’m listening

XIII – the missing link

XIV – the four of us

XV – are we there yet

XVI – her own little nightmare

XVII – your orientation, our orientation

XVIII – there’s a riot going on

XIX – the forming of shadows

XX – what she does not know

XXI – dirty work

XXII – dinner with a side of pheromones

XXIII – there be monsters in my head

XXIV – indifferent existence

XXV – it is go

XXVI – little llhaesa

XXVII – a cause to play

XXVIII – fault sightings

XXIX – fear of insanity

XXX – party favours

XXXI – the spies have it

XXXII – I see myself

XXXIII – a beer and a movie

XXXIV – ahead of the game

XXXV – unfriendly competition

XXXVI – looking for a key

XXXVII – a rising star

XXXVIII – oblivion road

XXXXIX – building a circle

XL – we see, we worry

XLI – strategy, strategy

XLII – intentionally lost

XLIII – implementation

XLIV – first look in the window

XLV – first look to the sky

XLVI – I’m getting attuned, I’m attuned

XLVII – connectivity

XLVIII – a foundation of illusion

XLIX – dance and play

L – random act of defiance

LI – the five

LII – self-anointed enemy

LIII – a father’s worry

LIV – on the run, where to hide

LV – did you hear?

LVI – we heard the news today

LVII – brothers

LVIII – change starts at the top

LIX – natural heat

LX – red light, red list

LXI – love, support, and fear

LXII – the walls come tumbling down

LXIII – a spot of tee

LXIV – in her words I

LXV – curtailing a threat

LXVI – park, run, & play

LXVII – roaming for life

LXVIII – you need to hear this

LXIX – first steps

LXX – a mind unplugged

LXXI – building a first release

LXXII – alternate route

LXXIII – surreptitious skulduggery

LXXIV – drive time worry

LXXV – facing the truth

LXXVI – planned park practice

LXXVII – take one, take 2, take 3

LXXVIII – SEQ rescue

LXXIX – day in the park, part I

LXXX – ominous warnings

LXXXI – home studio

LXXXII – piano lessons

LXXXIII – school for a prodigy

LXXXIV – paid fans

LXXXV – gender issues, work issues

LXXXVI – retreat in writing

LXXXVII – like father, like son

LXXXVIII – obsessed

LXXXIX – her very own programme

XC – smitten and hooked

XCI – nenseru five years later

XCII – show up and… talk

XCIII – imagining the imaginary

XCIV – a day in the park part II

XCV – you will save my soul

XCVI – saved and archived

XCVII – in her words II

parental turnabout

XCIX – play time

C – nenseru woods

CI – a momentary lapse

CII – you can have your scholarship

CIII – which way is up?

CIV – creative bliss

CV – I remember

CVI – waiting for prey

CVII – returning to lead

CVIII – write to live

CIX – producing change

CX – lead the way, light the way

CXI – ethereal sleep

CXII – watch and be watched

CXIII – the brother you never knew

CXIV – traces of places

CXV – first release

CXVI – manipulating hatred

CXVII – floor play

CXVIII – ghost in the music

CXIX – in her words III

CXX – finding a way through

CXXI – close call

CXXII – dreams and trees

CXXIII – new friends, new support

CXXIV – financial assistance

CXXV – if only in our dreams

CXXVI – hold her back

CXXVII – finding sail

CXXVIII – shine a positive light

CXXIX – write at your own peril

CXXX – call to adventure

CXXXI – on the move

CXXXII – and the winner is

CXXXIII – just stay up here

CXXXIV – we cannot understand

CXXXV – co-pregnancies

CXXXVI – when life inverts, when life reverts

CXXXVII – creation in a musical world

CXXXVIII – sea life

CXXXIX – order to go

CXL – wander the woods part I

CXLI – second release

CXLII – in her words IV

CXLIII – digital record

CXLIV – seductive and sultry

CXLV – she demon

CXLVI – quiet courage

CXLVII – overture to the bay

CXLVIII – parental displays

CXLIX – images of a mind

CL – seeking and fleeing

CLI – sleepless reflection, restless redirection

CLII – and the answer is

CLIII – resettling a mind, resetting a life

CLIV – guiding faith

CLV – playful exhibition; ominous oration

CLVI – explosive meeting

CLVII – raising voices

CLVIII – reconcilable differences

CLIX – tangible intuition

CLX – the memories of illusion

CLXI – background and revelation

CLXII – reformulated reality

CLXIII – a measure of maturity

CLXIV – wandering the woods part II

CLXV – not on my watch

CLXVI – a will to love, a will to accept

CLXVII – woman of fire, women of purpose

CLXVIII – spiritual intuition

CLXIX – a will to know, a will to understand

CLXX – sussing out a story

CLXXI – a tethered memory of home

CLXXII – re-formed lives, reshuffled family

CLXXIII – a world seethes

CLXXIIV – the best mislaid plans

CLXXV – in her words V

CLXXVI – no child left to worry

CLXXVII – an unwavering commitment

CLXXVIII – economic downturn, domestic violence upswing

CLXXIX – the comfort of each other

CLXXX – the brother I never had

CLXXXI – swirling thoughts, weighing choices

the voice of America

CLXXXIII – love and surrender

CLXXXIV – a course of direction

CLXXXV – what rises from the fall

CLXXXVI – the probings of love

CLXXXVII – filmed and censored

CLXXXVIII – xenophobic inquisition

CLXXXIX – a family formed in memory

CXC – the world between the lines

CXCI – plans and partners

CXCII – uprising

CXCIII – the questions of family

CXCIV – forgiveness starts from within

CXCV – interview of provocation

CXCVI – news to the world

CXCVII – wandering the woods part III

CXCVIII – baby dykes and marriage rites

CXCIX – detonation of a mind

CC – in her words VI

CCI – rumours and seekers

CCII – dark and light

CCIII – with a little help from a friend

CCIV – revelations and connections

CCV – a world reaches the edge

CCVI – jubilation and suspense

CCVII – friends and politics

CCVIII – country air, inspirational writing

CCIX – transference and reunion

CCX – a squeaky message

CCXI – another bay, a different purpose

CCXII – altered thinking, altered future

CCXIII – lament for a fallen father

CCXIV – meet llhaesa t’yaeli

CCXV – makeover day

CCXVI – we love, we treasure, we dream

CCXVII – remembering the past, visualising the future

CCXVIII – we have pictures

CCXIX – visonary friend

CCXX – meet llhaesa t’yaeli part II

CCXXI – broadcast to the universe

CCXXII – what we lost

CCXXIII – creative writing, prescient conversation

CCXXIV – domestic violence upswing part II

CCXXV – honouring her dream part I

CCXXVI – wandering the woods part IV

CCXXVII – care and custody, if not quite control

CCXXVIII – runabout, play about, call it out

CCXXIX – while away, wile away

CCXXX – no greater shock

CCXXXI – conflicted leadership, diverging choices

CCXXXII – I guess you know who I am

CCXXXIII – stirrings

CCXXXIV – regrets, laments, and a middle name

CCXXXV – security, policy, and respect

CCXXXVI – invitation to a play

CCXXXVII – invitation to a play, continued

CCXXXVIII – alone, with friends

CCXXXIX – abstractions, reactions, and ramifications

CCXL – honouring her dream part II

CCXLI – the necessity of seclusion, the inevitability of regret

CCXLII – one week, one celebration

CCXLIII – career change

CCXLIV – seeing the world through sound

CCXLV – a watchful eye, a watchful purpose

CCXLVI – caper, cavort, and frolic

CCXLVII – watching and not quite waiting

CCXLVIII – family freedom

CCXLIX – ship tease

CCL – journey’s end

CCLI – an adoptive descent

CCLII – a new day, a new family

CCLIII – the wrath of ignorance

CCLIV – warm up to reclamation

CCLV – talk, watch, and plan

CCLVI – sisters in law, part I

CCLVII – tale of the tapes

CCLVIII – guiding grandmothers

CCLIX – wandering the woods part V

CCLX – reunion part I

CCLXI – inside, outside

CCLXII – surreptitious ceremony

CCLXIII – dawn of the day of dreams

CCLXIV – the student and the teacher

CCLXV – reunion part II

CCLXVI – reunion part III

CCLXVII – reunion part IV

CCLXVIII – settled in silk, slipping from sleep

CCLXIX – the pain of a partner

CCLXX – good day, kids day

CCLXXI – plans and visions

CCLXXII – dreams of dogs

CCLXXIII – ceremonial honours

CCLXXIV – diplomatic banter

CCLXXV – consortial affirmation

CCLXXVI – evermore

CCLXXVII – final family

CCLXXVIII – would we, should we

CCLXXIX – practise and play

CCLXXX – a world to change

CCLXXXI – music, news, and opinion

CCLXXXII – aftermath and preview

CCLXXXIII – new customs, new affirmations

CCLXXXIV – ambassadorial revolutionary

CCLXXXV – sea and sail

CCLXXXVI – the lesbian and the misogynist

CCLXXXVII – walk in the rain of our tears

CCLXXXVIII – you and me and the sea

tCCLXXXIX – the damage done part I

CCXC – the damage done part II

CCXCI – gone to the dogs

CCXCII – irreverence

CCXCIII – act upon the air, act upon the sea

CCXCIV – every child needs a home

CCXCV – choosing a choice

CCXCVI – visions of the past, a vision for the future

CCXCVII – motherly advice, motherly wishes

CCXCVIII – sisters in law part II

CCXCIX – the musician and the physician

CCC – epilogue – anticipation, regret, and discovery

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  • raison d’être


    Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

    There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

    llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

    Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

    Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

    There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

    Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

    There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

    Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

    The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

    This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

    While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

    Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

    As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

    llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli

  • say that again?

    Aalon:

    A.ah.lawn



    Aailhra:

    A.yul.har.rah



    Arrhazon:

    Are.ha zawn



    Brellian:

    Brr.L.lee.an



    Chsensera:

    Cheh.sen.sear.rah



    Cshrehyi:

    Sess.ray.hee



    Djellrin:

    Dee.jell.er.in



    E'sphara:

    E.ss.far.ruh



    Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

    Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



    Hrilleae:

    Ha.rill.ee.ay



    I'Isahra M'lensa:

    I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



    Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

    Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



    Jesnsera Sserhara:

    Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



    Elsrensia K’avahra:

    L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



    Khaehala:

    Kay.ha.la



    Khahishra:

    Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



    Kyielra:

    Ka.E.I'll.ra



    llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

    laa.hay.ess.sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



    Lzrehae N’seseh:

    Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



    M'sela J'serhn:

    Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



    M'traliel Zralensa:

    M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



    Mrevan:

    Mm.ruh.van



    Njesera:

    En.djuh.say.rah



    N'rellia:

    N.rell.lee.ah



    Olterian:

    Oh.L.tear.E.an



    Saehressa:

    Sigh.ah.ress.ah



    Serada:

    Sir.rah.da



    Sjre Jlrasre:

    S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



    Sk'vra Kjurha:

    Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



    Vreloran:

    Vreh.lore.an



    Zreltian:

    Zzer.L.she.an



  • people and places

    • 51 Pegasi
    • Aailhra
    • Aalon
    • Addison
    • AGA
    • Ahrella T'srha
    • Alicia Ellenwood
    • Anita
    • Aolaera T’rlassi
    • arlkhala
    • Arrhazon
    • Arrhazon College
    • Arrhka
    • Arrkarhara
    • Barbara Millwood
    • Bill Green
    • Boston
    • Brellian
    • Casey
    • Chris Kappel
    • Chsensera
    • city north
    • Cshrehyi
    • David
    • Djellrin
    • Dolores
    • Dottie Salston
    • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
    • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
    • Dr. Wrehsx
    • E'sphara
    • Empo
    • Ensign Sserhara
    • Gl'nsiel
    • Henry Smithson
    • Hrilleae
    • Hyassil Lvolamihr
    • I’Isahra M’lensa
    • Ibrahim Harare
    • J'saera
    • Jahlaera Oserehi
    • Jahrae
    • Jamie Collins
    • Jamila Karenga
    • J’luhre Forest Preserve
    • Jesnsera
    • Jredvarha City
    • Keene
    • Kendra Canton
    • Khaehala
    • Khahishra
    • Kukaeshra
    • Kyielra
    • Lajxa R’chr
    • L’juriloe Jsequelha
    • Lisa Grennon
    • llhaesa
    • London
    • Lzrehae
    • M'sela J'serhn
    • M'traliel
    • Marcia Paang
    • Margaret Okoro Nwosu
    • Mark Cahill
    • M’korae
    • Melissa Kappel
    • Miahsara Kensoli
    • Mrevan
    • N'rellia
    • N'rellia Naturally
    • Nenseru Woods
    • Njesera
    • North 41
    • Old City
    • Olterian
    • Oluraesa Y’elorha
    • reiki
    • Ronnie
    • Sabah Fayed
    • Saehressa
    • Sara Beth
    • Sarah Montarra
    • Sarah Willingham
    • S’salihn
    • SEQ
    • Serada
    • Sjre Jlrasre
    • Sk'vra
    • Sohrae H’ahlser
    • southeast quadrant
    • Susan Woodward
    • Sylvia Washington
    • The Highlands Inn
    • Tim
    • V'aesza
    • Vicki
    • Vreloran
    • Watershed Regional
    • Y'sre School of Music
    • Zreltian
  • who’s who

    Aalon:

    Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



    Aailhra:

    Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



    Addison:

    Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



    Arrhazon:

    llhaesa & Jahrae home world



    Brellian:

    Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



    Chsensera:

    Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



    Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

    llhaesa’s brother



    Djellrin Khentavra:

    Jahrae’s dad



    E'sphara:

    Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



    Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

    Chief of Government after Brellian



    Hrilleae Khentavra:

    Jahrae’s mum



    Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

    Commander of Equality



    Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

    llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



    Jesnsera Sserhara:

    hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



    Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

    daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



    Elsrensia K’avahra:

    Physician and revolutionary



    Khaehala:

    Chsensera’s mum



    Khahishra:

    llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



    Kyielra:

    victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



    llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

    musician and leader of two worlds



    Lzrehae N’seseh:

    Government employee and discoverer of important documents



    M'sela J'serhn:

    llhaesa’s college advisor



    M'traliel Zralensa:

    friend of llhaesa, and first lover



    Mrevan:

    llhaesa’s dad



    Njesera:

    Head of government records department



    N'rellia:

    Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



    Olterian:

    Concert promoter



    Saehressa:

    llhaesa’s mum



    Serada:

    Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



    Sjre Jlrasre:

    Café owner



    Sk'vra Kjurha:

    llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



    Vreloran:

    government technician who helps llhaesa



    Zreltian:

    Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



  • 15 recent tales

    • XCVII – dreams and remembrance
    • XCVI – the man who never knew
    • LCV – stirred by the sea part II
    • XCIV – stirred by the sea part I
    • XCIII – declarative adulthood
    • XCII – hostage to the hills part II
    • XCI – hostage to the hills part I
    • XC – revenge of the acoustic guitar
    • LXXXIX – uncommon on the common
    • LXXXVIII – recruiting parents
    • LXXXVII – the ways of fate
    • LXXXVI – may the waters set you free
    • LXXXV – the problem with problems
    • LXXXIV – serry’s choice
    • LXXXIII – multi-generational mischief
  • historical tales

    • June 2009
    • May 2009
    • April 2009
    • March 2009
    • February 2009
    • January 2009
    • December 2008
    • November 2008
    • October 2008
    • September 2008
    • August 2008
    • July 2008
    • June 2008
  • every book needs a cover

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  • CC License

    Worlds Undone

    by llhaesa t'yaeli



    Is licensed under a

    Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

    Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

  • CC Licence II

    Worlds Undone

    by llhaesa



    Is licensed under a

    Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

    Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

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