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worlds undone

worlds undone

Tag Archives: transgender

CCXII – altered thinking, altered future

30 Sunday Nov 2008

Posted by nelle in Addison, Arrhazon, Barbara Millwood, Brellian, Jahrae, llhaesa, M'traliel, Ronnie, Serada

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blog fiction, blog novels, creative writing, eBooks, feminism, feminist fiction, fiction, fiction writing, lesbian, lesbian fiction, lesbian literature, lesbian stories, lesbian-novels, literature, novels, online authors, online books, online novels, original fiction, stories, transgender, writing

While the girls went to change into swimming attire, llhaesa’s mind drifted back through the years, to another boat, the Overture.

How she felt the pull of her mind toward the sailboat, with everything the memory implied – Jahrae, sweet Jahrae, the warm waters of Chekresu Bay, the Overture, and of course, Empo, the playful empohnim that was common in the Bay waters.

The empohnims were in fact dolphins, or so closely related llhaesa could not distinguish between the two – just as she was indistinguishable from the humans here.

Llhaesa thought of the day she wrote The Empo Tempo song, a playful, childlike ditty spawned from her interaction with Empo. Llhaesa silently smiled at the resurfacing memory of that day fifteen years before, and decided she would play later – Barbara had the foresight to bring a professional level electronic keyboard on board the boat, though no one else was yet aware of its presence.

Given the size of the yacht, the prospective swimmers walked down the outside staircase to a swimming landing, where they could leave towels and easily climb in and out of the 73° F water. Both girls wore the yellow vests they arrived wearing, for better visibility and for safety in the sometimes-rough bay water.

While both could swim, this was a rather sizeable body of water, and the waves could overwhelm an unsuspecting swimmer. The girls lamented llhaesa’s lack of a vest, but she was an excellent swimmer.

The three spent over an hour playing about in the bay, and toward the end of the hour, two bay dolphins approached, curiously checking out what the three swimmers were doing.

The girls recalled their mom’s words to avoid dolphins if they approached, and to move toward the boat slowly if they did; the girls dutifully followed the instructions.

Llhaesa, not knowing of the warning given to the girls, innocently remained, her mind thinking of Empo, and the fun they had playing. One of the dolphins approached llhaesa, and she stilled in the water, letting the animal get the measure of her. The dolphin swam around llhaesa, finally returning to her front. Llhaesa nodded slowly, a smile upon her face, this to signal a greeting and acknowledgement of the dolphin’s presence.

Llhaesa understood that the empohnims of Arrhazon were on the whole more willing to engage in contact and play, and she recognised this difference. Slowly she began to swim casually through the water, and the dolphin followed along as llhaesa circumvented the yacht.

Llhaesa suspected this would not be their last encounter, and so she felt this interaction sufficient for the first meeting. Just then, the dolphin moved toward her, and gently slid along past llhaesa from the side, evidently a message of acceptance. She decided it was time to leave the water for the day, and with a nod to the dolphins and a slow waving hand signal, she gave her goodbye and swam to the yacht.

On board, the girls watched over the railing on deck, amazed that llhaesa stayed and swam with one of the dolphins – though she never touched the dolphin. When Ronnie appeared, they quickly spilled out their observation, and Ronnie made a mental note to talk to llhaesa later.

First towelling off, then wrapping the towel around her torso, and tucked just above her breasts, llhaesa moved up the walkway onto the deck, a deck now bereft of any of the passengers. She went inside long enough to retrieve a book, and returned to lounge in the still warm late afternoon sun.

Dinnertime approached – which staff would prepare, not she, Ronnie, Anita, and Dolores; the thought rather amused llhaesa.

On Arrhazon, some asked why she did not hire such staff, and the simple answer is llhaesa wished nothing to do with having bodyguards, personal assistants, etc. Llhaesa preferred attachment to life, to its day-to-day vagaries, for connection to everyday life and people, and not be insulated and waited upon as if she earned the right to treatment like some sort of self-proclaimed royalty. That was not her outlook, and the irony of the current situation was how circumstance left them with a staff that saw to their dining needs, their maintenance, and their safety.

It was as if they were on indefinite vacation, all expenses paid. In reality, llhaesa and Ronnie only had their savings to work with; both were now jobless, though according to Ronnie, Sara Beth still half expected an employee to return. Llhaesa could not call given security issues. Perhaps she could ask Barbara to convey a message – it was the appropriate thing to do.

Llhaesa knew that once this initial vetting of her passed by, she would be free to earn, and that would come via music. Her intent was to follow the same protocol as she did on Arrhazon, where she built financial stability whilst simultaneously assisting worthy causes. In this case, she would see to the well-being of her extended family, as well as to various causes.

There was one item in common use on this planet that llhaesa truly treasured in a guilty sort of way, due to the environmental cost: paper books, not electronic ones. The yacht held a well-stocked library, and llhaesa was well into a novel, which she now read while basking in the warming rays of the summer’s sun.

The girls were inside, exploring the rather extensive yacht, a playground haven for young folk. Ronnie strolled onto the deck, and sat alongside llhaesa. “Llhaesa, were you not already committed to another in life, I might rethink my orientation and come out as bisexual!” Ronnie teased.

Llhaesa looked up, rather astonished and confused at Ronnie’s remark. “Why is it you say this?

Ronnie laughed. Is it necessary for me to hand you a mirror? OK, how superficial a comment, but not really – because I know how you think, how you love me and the children, and how you view the world. I will miss you.”

“Ronnie, that is a sweet thing to say, and in truth, we married for a reason – I still love you, and I will always love you. You are right, in another time, and in another place… You will find another that you will love, and who will love you. Perhaps now, given your statement, the range of possibility expands.”

“Har!” Ronnie cocked her head askew as she nodded in agreement, conceding point made. “I won’t be going out of my way looking, but then again that is true of anyone. I will go with the flow, and see where life takes me.

How do you wish to handle our marriage? Should we seek annulment, or should we divorce?”

“I have not thought on that Ronnie, either choice is not palatable in some way, and so I guess the proper method is what is best for the children. We both have time to think on this, as we cannot act now, anyway. I like that we are amicable in our separation, and I marvel at how you have adapted so quickly to these wild circumstances.

One day I would like to show you my world.” Llhaesa added in a loving way, wishing inside that Ronnie remain connected to her life, though not so much as a partner, but as someone closely connected, even closer than she was with M’traliel.

Ronnie looked intently at llhaesa, searching her expression and eyes for clues. “Llhaesa, have I mentioned this to you previously? Ronnie felt surprised by llhaesa’s wish.

“I am unsure as to what you mean, Ronnie.”

“A moment ago you mentioned wishing to show Arrhazon to me. I told Barbara earlier today that I wish to see your world before I die. I wish to see where you are from, the ancestral home of half of our children’s ancestry, wish to get to know your people, to learn your language.”

The element of surprise now shifted to llhaesa. “You wish to see my world?” llhaesa smiled, for Ronnie triggered an untapped well of pride and happiness deep inside. “I suspect this chance will come, though not immediately.”

“You mentioned feeling that Jahrae was on her way. Would you not return home immediately?”

“In truth, I do not think so, Ronnie. There are things I wish to accomplish here first, and with time, I may move back and forth between both worlds – this is the world of my daughters and you after all.

There is a role I see for you as well, Ronnie.” Llhaesa mysteriously offered up, her patented eye twinkle evident.

“A role for me – what kind of role do you envision?” Ronnie wondered.

“I believe you are the perfect choice for ambassador to the Arrhazon world.”

“Wh-h-a-at?” Ronnie blurted out. “Ambassador? Me? You cannot be serious! I know nothing of politics, protocol, or any of those things – and a dictator that did great harm to you heads your world. How could I be ambassador from this world to him?”

“Ronnie, if Jahrae is indeed on her way, Brellian is gone. There is no way Jahrae would come for me otherwise. The only way she would get here is via the Service, and as a de facto military organisation falls under the auspices of government, specifically the Chief of Government. There is no way Brellian would ever allow me to return home.”

Ronnie pondered this for a moment, and knew it made sense. Ambassador, Ronnie thought, what a career change!

Less than eighteen months later, on the strength of llhaesa’s recommendation, Ambassador Ronnie Salston-Lorrie took her first step onto Arrhazon. Now fluent in the Arrhazonan language, she not only walked slowly towards a warm embrace with Arrhazon’s Chief of Government Gl’nsiel, but to a place in history. Ready to represent her world, ready to team with that of another to form an exciting new age for the people of both worlds, Ronnie was a major part of the reconnection of two peoples who were in actuality cousins across 50 light years of space.

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♣ raison d’être


Over the past seven months, writing the individual stories of llhaesa and Jahrae, as well as their common story, has taken a special place in my heart.

There are some elements, those with playful exchanges, or those where discussion is heavier, that grab hold of my emotions, sometimes even grab hold of my thoughts, weighing upon me during the day.

llhaesa’s story has been welling inside of me for some significant time in rough form. The story is a by-product of coping with gender dysphoria, of being a feminist and a lesbian, and dealing with all the issues related to being lgbt through my life, from closet to post-coming out; while finding – or perhaps stumbling - my way through.

Music is the catalyst, a translator of raw sensory information and feelings, that helps me take the cloud forming in my mind and shape it into story. Sometimes this is via the lyrics, other times through the melody, sometimes simply by way of the sound of an individual instrument.

Musical influences come from Delerium; Beth Orton; Dar Williams; Joan Armatrading; Sarah McLachlan; Tori Amos; Natalie Merchant; Heather Nova; Tracy Chapman; Linda Perry; Alanis Morissette; Bruce Springsteen; Brooke White; Roxy Music; and many others.

There is no order to the posting of story elements or in writing them; each is posted randomly in time, of character, of place - much like how we might share stories from our lives with another. There are times when I will string together elements, and that pattern is evident in the rescue of llhaesa and the subsequent reunion.

Most of the novel is told via a narrator; with one exception. Writing llhaesa’s last day from her perspective - what she experiences, what she sees unfold around her, how she views and reacts to these things – seemed more compelling and interesting. I added one final element to this that actually is not of her last day on Arrhazon, but in her coming out here.

There are six posts told from llhaesa’s real time experience. These story elements (in her words I-VI) are the most interesting and fun to write, as well as the most emotionally draining. As I write this, 29 posts remain in book one, and the last ten have proven the most demanding emotionally.

Some of the story involves an element of science fiction, necessary to bridge the connection between the two worlds, the disconnects, the reconnects. It is not my intent to fashion a tale of science fiction, and the parts that touch on it will remain an essential minimum. The true intent is to share a humanist and feminist story, one where two worlds struggle to find their way to gender equality. The main protagonists are lesbian, and we get to see where at least on one world, this is no issue. Our world can have issue with us, and in this story, one gets to watch as both worlds find their way to creating more accepting and equal societies. The next book will find llhaesa facing this issue square on.

The story consists of 300 individual elements, which when collectively read forms a story of book length. As written currently and displayed on the blog, this is a rough draft; changes will likely be made over time to already published elements.

This is Book One, as what follows post 300 will best be framed into its own book. The second will address issues that will be at once interesting and challenging to explore and contemplate - building upon the story told in Book One. Llhaesa, drawing upon idealism, optimism, and an incredible ability to motivate, will tackle issues in ways I believe most all of us in the lesbian community would wish to see unfold in actuality. If nothing else, the story allows us to get lost in fantasy for a while.

While the title is ‘world’s undone,' this is really the life story of and the results triggered by an incredibly talented musician and activist. Llhaesa refuses to sit idly by while gender discrimination harms the women of her world and freedom is lost on one world, paying a terrible price for her effort. When she resurfaces here, now it is our turn to face her challenges to a world resulting from her unrelenting vision and dreams.

Jahrae, while prominent throughout the story, is sort of the unsung hero, the person who grows through the story to become a formidable presence in her own right. This is by design, and her growth is a perfect match to llhaesa, who needs someone to challenge and inspire her to new learning, to new creativity.

As I wrote the story, note that I originally did not plan on having the children parented by Jahrae, Ronnie, and llhaesa. Initially my intent was for friction to build, to show that sometimes we run into difficulty seeing eye to eye with our spouses. In the end, I could not do this, for my idealism and optimism, of trying to craft something as it should be, got in the way.

nelle

♣ say that again?

Aalon:

A.ah.lawn



Aailhra:

A.yul.har.rah



Arrhazon:

Are.ha zawn



Brellian:

Brr.L.lee.an



Chsensera:

Cheh.sen.sear.rah



Cshrehyi:

Sess.ray.hee



Djellrin:

Dee.jell.er.in



E'sphara:

E.ss.far.ruh



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Jellen.sheel Fray.shawn



Hrilleae:

Ha.rill.ee.ay



I'Isahra M'lensa:

I.ih.sah.rah Mah.len.sah



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

Ja.ha.ray Teh.share.ahh Ka.hen.tahv.rah



Jesnsera Sserhara:

Ja.ess.en.sear.ah Say.sear.ahh



Elsrensia K’avahra:

L.sir.rent.sha Kah.hah.vair.ah



Khaehala:

Kay.ha.la



Khahishra:

Ka.ha.heesh.ruh



Kyielra:

Ka.E.I'll.ra



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

lie yay sah are.ha.rell.la tay.lye



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Lah.zer.ra.hay N.sha.say



M'sela J'serhn:

Mah.sell.ahh Jay.sehr.hen



M'traliel Zralensa:

M.tra.lee.ell Zee.ra.len.sah



Mrevan:

Mm.ruh.van



Njesera:

En.djuh.say.rah



N'rellia:

N.rell.lee.ah



Olterian:

Oh.L.tear.E.an



Saehressa:

Sigh.ah.ress.ah



Serada:

Sir.rah.da



Sjre Jlrasre:

S.jer.ray Jas.sell.rass.er



Sk'vra Kjurha:

Skeh.var.rah Kah.jour.rah



Vreloran:

Vreh.lore.an



Zreltian:

Zzer.L.she.an



♣ people and places

  • 51 Pegasi
  • Aailhra
  • Aalon
  • Addison
  • AGA
  • Alicia Ellenwood
  • Anita
  • arlkhala
  • Arrhazon
  • Arrhazon College
  • Arrhka
  • Arrkarhara
  • Barbara Millwood
  • Bill Green
  • Boston
  • Brellian
  • Casey
  • Chsensera
  • city north
  • Cshrehyi
  • David
  • Djellrin
  • Dolores
  • Dottie Salston
  • Dr Elsrensia K’avahra
  • Dr. Ed Ellsworth
  • Dr. Wrehsx
  • E'sphara
  • Empo
  • Ensign Sserhara
  • Gl'nsiel
  • Henry Smithson
  • Hrilleae
  • I’Isahra M’lensa
  • J'saera
  • Jahrae
  • Jamila Karenga
  • J’luhre Forest Preserve
  • Jesnsera
  • Jredvarha City
  • Keene
  • Khaehala
  • Khahishra
  • Kukaeshra
  • Kyielra
  • Lajxa R’chr
  • llhaesa
  • Lzrehae
  • M'sela J'serhn
  • M'traliel
  • Marcia Paang
  • Mark Cahill
  • Mrevan
  • N'rellia
  • N'rellia Naturally
  • Nenseru Woods
  • Njesera
  • North 41
  • Old City
  • Olterian
  • reiki
  • Ronnie
  • Saehressa
  • Sara Beth
  • SEQ
  • Serada
  • Sjre Jlrasre
  • Sk'vra
  • southeast quadrant
  • Susan Woodward
  • Sylvia Washington
  • Tim
  • V'aesza
  • Vicki
  • Vreloran
  • Y'sre School of Music
  • Zreltian

♣ who’s who

Aalon:

Chief Curator of N’rellia Conservatory of Music



Aailhra:

Arrhazonan equivalent to Reiki



Addison:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s eldest daughter



Arrhazon:

llhaesa & Jahrae home world



Brellian:

Unstable Arrhazonan dictator



Chsensera:

Child friend of llhaesa and Jahrae



Cshrehyi T’yaeli:

llhaesa’s brother



Djellrin Khentavra:

Jahrae’s dad



E'sphara:

Owner of E’sphara Artist Colony



Gl’nsiel Frehsan:

Chief of Government after Brellian



Hrilleae Khentavra:

Jahrae’s mum



Admiral I'Isahra M'lensa:

Commander of Equality



Jahrae T'srha Khentavra:

llhaesa’s wife, and Ambassador



Jesnsera Sserhara:

hero of revolution who saves Jahrae



Ensign Jesnsera Sserhara:

daughter of Jahrae’s friend & wife of Chsensera



Elsrensia K’avahra:

Physician and revolutionary



Khaehala:

Chsensera’s mum



Khahishra:

llhaesa’s college roommate and M’traliel’s wife



Kyielra:

victim of murder, witnessed by young Jahrae



llhaesa ahrella t'yaeli:

musician and leader of two worlds



Lzrehae N’seseh:

Government employee and discoverer of important documents



M'sela J'serhn:

llhaesa’s college advisor



M'traliel Zralensa:

friend of llhaesa, and first lover



Mrevan:

llhaesa’s dad



Njesera:

Head of government records department



N'rellia:

Llhaesa’s college and most prestigious school on Arrhazon



Olterian:

Concert promoter



Saehressa:

llhaesa’s mum



Serada:

Ronnie and llhaesa’s youngest daughter



Sjre Jlrasre:

Café owner



Sk'vra Kjurha:

llhaesa nemesis and future hero of revolution



Vreloran:

government technician who helps llhaesa



Zreltian:

Former Arrhazonan Chief of Government



♣ historical tales

  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008

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♣ CC License

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa t'yaeli



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at http://llhaesa.org/.

♣ CC Licence II

Worlds Undone

by llhaesa



Is licensed under a

Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Based on a work at llhaesa.wordpress.com.

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